The Wonder (What The Hell You Are Doing) Weeks  

wonder weekslogoSince having a baby do you occasionally feel tearful and a bit sweary? Are you sometimes a bit of a dick for no apparent reason?

Then you are probably experiencing a Mental Leap in your parental development.

Thanks to new research by The Institute of Real Life People With Actual Babies, we are now able to predict exactly when sleep-deprived parents can expect to go through these ‘fussy’ phases.

Here is a simple guide to The Wonder (What The Hell You Are Doing) Weeks:

Mental Leap 1: Week 1

Wondering why nothing is like you expected when you were expecting

Mental Leap 2: Week 4

Wondering whether your baby will ever sleep anywhere other than ON you

Mental Leap 3: Week 10

Wondering when you will stop randomly bursting into tears

Mental Leap 4: Week 12

Wondering why your baby still won’t go the F**K to sleep

vs

Mental Leap 5: Week 20

Wondering whether it is your fault your baby won’t sleep

Mental Leap 6: Week 24

Wondering whether this is another regression, phase or growth spurt. Is your baby is normal?

Mental Leap 7: Week 30

Wondering whether you can sell babies on Ebay because this is GETTING BEYOND THE JOKE

shame

Mental Leap 8: Week 35

Wondering whether your baby will ever sleep even halfway through the night

Mental Leap 9: Week 40

Wondering why everyone else’s babies sleep through the night

Mental Leap 10: Week lost count

Wondering whether you can die from lack of sleep

Mental Leap 11: Week 52

Wondering how you are still alive when you’ve barely slept for a year

Mental Leap 12 : Week 60..ish whatever…

Wondering when you will feel human again

zombies-598387_1280

Mental Leap 13: Week err.. A BLOODY LONG TIME

Wondering where all the time went

Mental Leap 14: Week 150..probably, who cares..

Wondering why you can’t sleep now your child actually sleeps sometimes

Mental Leap 15: Week-years-bloody-forever

Wondering whether it is normal to miss your child NOT sleeping on you

Mental Leap 16: Week…eventually

Wondering whether you wasted too much time wondering and worrying about your baby not sleeping

Now you know what to expect on your parenting journey, it is advised that on these Wonder Weeks parents stock up on the essentials (coffee and wine) and take comfort in the fact that you and your baby are developing normally. You may also want to read about why New motherhood is a bit of a dick and how to survive when your baby won’t sleep!

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3 thoughts on “The Wonder (What The Hell You Are Doing) Weeks  

  1. Love it! Your blog made me believe my baby IS normal.
    Currently in mental leap 11. I am now used to 2 hours of sleep till she wants to breastfeed/ use me as a pacifier again

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