Since having a baby do you occasionally feel tearful and a bit sweary? Are you sometimes a bit of a dick for no apparent reason?
Then you are probably experiencing a Mental Leap in your parental development.
Thanks to new research by The Institute of Real Life People With Actual Babies, we are now able to predict exactly when sleep-deprived parents can expect to go through these ‘fussy’ phases.
Here is a simple guide to The Wonder (What The Hell You Are Doing) Weeks:
Mental Leap 1: Week 1
Wondering why nothing is like you expected when you were expecting
Mental Leap 2: Week 4
Wondering whether your baby will ever sleep anywhere other than ON you
Mental Leap 3: Week 10
Wondering when you will stop randomly bursting into tears
Mental Leap 4: Week 12
Wondering why your baby still won’t go the F**K to sleep
Mental Leap 5: Week 20
Wondering whether it is your fault your baby won’t sleep
Mental Leap 6: Week 24
Wondering whether this is another regression, phase or growth spurt. Is your baby is normal?
Mental Leap 7: Week 30
Wondering whether you can sell babies on Ebay because this is GETTING BEYOND THE JOKE
Mental Leap 8: Week 35
Wondering whether your baby will ever sleep even halfway through the night
Mental Leap 9: Week 40
Wondering why everyone else’s babies sleep through the night
Mental Leap 10: Week lost count
Wondering whether you can die from lack of sleep
Mental Leap 11: Week 52
Wondering how you are still alive when you’ve barely slept for a year
Mental Leap 12 : Week 60..ish whatever…
Wondering when you will feel human again
Mental Leap 13: Week err.. A BLOODY LONG TIME
Wondering where all the time went
Mental Leap 14: Week 150..probably, who cares..
Wondering why you can’t sleep now your child actually sleeps sometimes
Mental Leap 15: Week-years-bloody-forever
Wondering whether it is normal to miss your child NOT sleeping on you
Mental Leap 16: Week…eventually
Wondering whether you wasted too much time wondering and worrying about your baby not sleeping
Now you know what to expect on your parenting journey, it is advised that on these Wonder Weeks parents stock up on the essentials (coffee and wine) and take comfort in the fact that you and your baby are developing normally. You may also want to read about why New motherhood is a bit of a dick and how to survive when your baby won’t sleep!
More hot tips in my book Sleep is for the Weak: How to survive when your baby won’t go the fzZk to sleep. Available from book shops or on Amazon now!!
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