A BABY’S GUIDE TO BABIES (BECAUSE PARENTS ARE IDIOTS)
LESSON 3: How not to be an arsehole visitor
Did you know that moving house is considered one of life’s most stressful events?
So imagine not only moving house, but moving entire universes. Because that my friends, is how it feels when new babies relocate from Inside A Woman to Outside A Woman. It’s a BIG deal.
Seriously, it is crazy on the outside! Every single thing we see is new and strange. I once just stared at a cushion for three hours. THREE HOURS spent just trying to work out what the hell it’s game was.
Have you ever wondered why babies sometimes cry a lot for no apparent reason? It’s because we are living in a state of continuous mind-fuckery ( I believe the grown ups call this ‘colic’).
A guest post by naturopathic nutritionist Lisa Sheehy.
SO you survived morning sickness, dealt with not drinking even when the world drove you to it, and managed to somehow bend, roll over and sleep with an enormous bump.
Labour was everything they warned you about and more but finally your baby was born. Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes, overwhelming love and that deliciously scented head.
You sunk back into a plump nest of V shaped pillows and organic linen as the baby slept peacefully. A mother at last, creator of life, accomplished, calm and fulfilled. Right?
Well, maybe not so much – reality can bite. Sore nipples, sleep deprivation, sore lady bits and a desperate need for some peace can be tough. Because babies cry. A lot. Around two hours a day in the first six weeks according to a recent study.
But what if you have fed, burped and nappy changed your baby and they still cry. What then?
TRYING to get a baby to fall asleep is a frustration that every parent will face at some point. And while some children drift off to dreamland fairly easily, others, however, just do not.
Neither of my babies liked to go to sleep. Some nights it could take anything up to four hours to get them to doze off, so I spent a lot of time desperately browsing the Internet for The Answer. As a result, I tried a lot of weird and wonderful techniques. Here are a few ways I tried and failed to get my babies to go the f**K to sleep:
The Internet is awash with ‘research’ that shows sleep training is bad for our babies. However, there is also an abundance of ‘research; suggesting that NOT sleep training is bad for our babies. (The research is usually taken from studies of 4 babies, 2 kangaroo cubs and a tadpole so it is almost always definitely accurate). So when it comes to baby sleep, what bullshit advice are we supposed to follow? Continue reading →