You meet. You fall in love. You get married. Your life is all love, laughter and romance…
Then you have kids and SHIT GETS REAL. Candlelit dinners and nights of passion take a back seat and you ask yourselves ‘Are we still madly in love with each other?
Here are a few signs that you are so totally in love (and you definitely do not need to read an Internet list for confirmation):
We just got back home after a family ‘holiday’ in Devon. It will come as no surprise to you all that bedtime away from home is even more of a challenge than bedtime at home. But the husband and I have been burnt before. We learnt the hard way that there is no point worrying about sleep on holiday so we were prepared to bugger up our bedtime routine in order to make our week less stressful.
I kept a little diary of our progress…. Continue reading
I have a confession to make.
When I was a new mum I did NOT cherish every moment with my baby. In fact, I actually wanted to punch most of the moments in the face. My life consisted of trying to get my daughter to sleep, trying to get some sleep and stumbling around the house like a zombie not cherishing anything at all BECAUSE I WAS TOO BLOODY TIRED. Continue reading
You are in the supermarket.
The man in the front of you in the queue is paying in pennies.
The woman behind him has a FULL trolley.
The check out girl has called for a supervisor.
You have milk, nappies, a toddler and a screaming baby. Continue reading
I was sat at my desk trying to write funny words for money when I heard the news…
‘Terrorist drives through crowds celebrating Bastille Day in Nice. Lorry speeds for 2km, killing 84 people – including 10 children. Witnesses say driver zigzagged to kill as many victims as possible…’
I listened to the rest of the story with tears in my eyes. Continue reading
Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your baby won’t go the f*ck to sleep…
1) The Good news
Today is a big day. Tomorrow morning I will wake up to a new era. After months and months of thinking about it and stressing about it, I made my decision and went for it…. Continue reading
According to the latest set of pointless infant sleep guidelines by another Academy Of Expert Twats Who Have No Idea How Human Babies Actually Work,
‘Sleeping fewer than the recommended hours is associated with attention, behaviour and learning problems. Insufficient sleep also increases the risk of accidents, injuries, hypertension, obesity, diabetes and depression.’
Thanks to the Internet we now have parenting tips available to us 24 hours a day!
While we might occasionally stumble across some helpful advice, most of it is either totally useless or appears to assume that parents are idiots.
One area in which there is an abundance of guidance from ‘experts’ is how to get a baby to sleep.
I have this old friend.
She occasionally turns up at my door, totally out of the blue. I don’t see much of her any more but when she is here, it’s like she has never been away.
We met shortly after the birth of my eldest child. She came into my life and managed to get her feet firmly under the table. Continue reading
Postnatal depression is manipulative. It floods your mind with self-doubt and negative thoughts. It convinces you that you’re hopeless, a bad parent and a weak person. And the more you believe it, the stronger it gets.
Depression is determined. It wants to stay. It will trick you into believing you cannot do the things that will make you feel better such as talking, finding support, leaving the house, talking medication or going to therapy.
Depression is basically a dick. Continue reading