Some refreshingly different ways to get your baby to go the f**k to sleep

TRYING to get a baby to fall asleep is a frustration that every parent will face at some point. And while some children drift off to dreamland fairly easily, others, however, just do not.

Neither of my babies liked to go to sleep. Some nights it could take anything up to four hours to get them to doze off, so I spent a lot of  time desperately browsing the Internet for The Answer.  As a result, I tried a lot of weird and wonderful techniques. Here are a few ways I tried and failed to get my babies to go the f**K to sleep:

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SLEEP-TRAINING FOR GROWN UPS

The Internet is awash with ‘research’ that shows sleep training is bad for our babies. However, there is also an abundance of ‘research; suggesting that NOT sleep training is bad for our babies. (The research is usually taken from studies of 4 babies, 2 kangaroo cubs and a tadpole so it is almost always definitely accurate). So when it comes to baby sleep, what bullshit advice are we supposed to follow? Continue reading

Are you too tired for biscuits?

plate-of-biscuitsRemember before you had children when you and your partner used to have ‘biscuits’?  Really good biscuits that you could eat whenever and wherever you liked – in bed, on the sofa or even in the bath.

You would try all sorts of biscuits together; sometimes you would enjoy the comfort of a digestive, other times you would eat a whole packet of Hob Nobs just because you COULD.

Then you have babies and you struggle to find the time or energy to have any biscuits at all. You start to worry;

“What if we go off biscuits forever?’

“Are all the other parents having biscuits?”

“Will my partner eat biscuits with someone else? Someone with more energy and a whole tin full of home-baked cookies?”  

“What if we NEVER EVER get to eat biscuits together again?” Continue reading

35 real true signs that you and your partner are still madly in love

man-and-woman-laid-in-a-white-bedYou meet. You fall in love. You get married. Your life is all love, laughter and romance…

Then you have kids and SHIT GETS REAL. Candlelit dinners and nights of passion take a back seat and you ask yourselves ‘Are we still madly in love with each other?

 

Here are a few signs that you are so totally in love (and you definitely do not need to read an Internet list for confirmation): 

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The Holiday Bedtime Diaries

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We just got back home after a family ‘holiday’ in Devon. It will come as no surprise to you all that bedtime away from home is even more of a challenge than bedtime at home. But the husband and I have been burnt before. We learnt the hard way that there is no point worrying about sleep on holiday so we were prepared to bugger up our bedtime routine in order to make our week less stressful.

I kept a little diary of our progress…. Continue reading

This may be the last time to cherish every moment because they grow up so fast

cherishI have a confession to make.

When I was a new mum I did NOT cherish every moment with my baby. In fact, I actually wanted to punch most of the moments in the face. My life consisted of trying to get my daughter to sleep, trying to get some sleep and stumbling around the house like a zombie not cherishing anything at all BECAUSE I WAS TOO BLOODY TIRED. Continue reading

6 ways you really won’t stop a baby crying in the supermarket

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You are in the supermarket.

The man in the front of you in the queue is paying  in pennies.

The woman behind him has a FULL trolley.

The check out girl has called for a supervisor.

You have milk, nappies, a toddler and a screaming baby. Continue reading

The pointless sleep advice parents are sick of hearing

The Institute Of Real Life People With Actual BabiesThanks to the Internet we now have parenting tips available to us 24 hours a day!

While we might occasionally stumble across some helpful advice, most of it is either totally useless or appears to assume that parents are idiots.

One area in which there is an abundance of guidance from ‘experts’ is how to get a baby to sleep.

For example:

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How to put a baby in a cot (without losing your shit)

drowsybutawakeDoes your baby wake up the moment you even think about transferring her to a cot?  Or does she totally lose her shit if you put her down drowsy but awake?

Then this is the method for you.

Following new research that 99% of babies believe that self-soothing is bollocks, The Institute of Real Life People with Actual Babies has launched a comprehensive guide to putting a sleeping infant into a cot.

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8 sleep training methods that probably won’t work (and one that definitely will).

sleeptraining for dunmmiesWHEN it comes to getting babies to sleep, there is an abundance of advice available on the Internet, in books and from random strangers in the supermarket.

Whether you are looking to co-sleep with your baby, leave them to cry or have some fun with Ferberization  –  there really a method for everyone.

To help you decide how best to train your offspring, here is a comprehensive guide to some of the most popular sleep techniques (that probably won’t work): Continue reading