motherhood

Baby-Trapped: Edition #2

Emily-Jane Leave a comment

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Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your baby won’t go the f*ck to sleep…

So, on Friday I had to walk through Waitrose with a handful of toddler sick. That pretty much sums up my week. Thankfully, I had already drank my free coffee because I am not sure what their policy is on free hot drinks for customers who leave a trail of vomit across the shop floor.  I AM LIVING THE DREAM, PEOPLE.

Anyway, here is some stuff for those of you who are under a baby, feeding a baby or just too DAMN TIRED to do anything other than dick about on your phone. Continue reading →

How to ‘sell’ breastfeeding without being a tit

Emily-Jane 25 Comments

IMG_20131005_143714 (1)Breast milk is really good stuff. We know this.

We have seen the campaigns, read the research and studied the NHS literature we have shoved down our throats from the moment we fall pregnant.

When I was expecting my first child, I was told that breastfeeding is ‘a convenient way to provide you and your baby with a multitude of health benefits.’

To be honest, they had me at ‘convenient’.. Continue reading →

The Wonder (What The Hell You Are Doing) Weeks  

Emily-Jane 3 Comments

wonder weekslogoSince having a baby do you occasionally feel tearful and a bit sweary? Are you sometimes a bit of a dick for no apparent reason?

Then you are probably experiencing a Mental Leap in your parental development.

Thanks to new research by The Institute of Real Life People With Actual Babies, we are now able to predict exactly when sleep-deprived parents can expect to go through these ‘fussy’ phases. Continue reading →

26 lies tired parents tell

Emily-Jane 21 Comments

baby won't sleepI have a confession to make.

Since having babies I have become a big fat liar.

I am not proud of myself, but sometimes lying (and coffee, so much coffee) is the only way to survive  The truth would simply hurt too much (or make you look like a miserable twat) so telling the odd fib is a necessary evil.

If you are a tired parent, then here are a few untruths that you might recognise (or maybe I am  just a miserable twat): Continue reading →

Why I am glad my baby did not sleep

Emily-Jane 30 Comments

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My firstborn started school in September.

I am now a proper grown-up parent with a schoolchild. I have  to get everyone up, dressed and somewhere on time, in clean uncreased clothes, every morning. There will soon be homework, phonics, forms and parents evenings.

I have to kiss my four-year-old daughter goodbye FIVE days a week, and send her off to face new challenges and situations, without me. Continue reading →

How to pick up women when you have babies

Emily-Jane 2 Comments

sleep deprived mum friendsMotherhood can be lonely, but if you are sleep-deprived, it is a bit of a Catch 22.

You crave adult company but at the same time you are too bloody tired for adult company.

Some days talking to anyone over the age of two seems like way too much effort. But on other days you would quite like a moan, a laugh and a chat (ideally over wine) with someone who gets it.

But it is hard to make friends when you are always exhausted. It becomes difficult just to hold a conversation. It impairs your mental filter, tramples over your inhibitions and makes it hard to concentrate on what is being said.

So unfortunately, sleep-deprived parents are not much of a catch but fear not – there is hope for the perfect ‘Mumance’.  Continue reading →

SURVIVOR STORIES: HOW TO TAKE DOWN A SLEEP THIEF AND SURVIVE

Emily-Jane 6 Comments

The first in a series of stories called Sleep Thief Survivors by parents who have achieved success against the odds. Having children inspired and motivated them to accomplish great things! 

DSC_2669 copyIt was not so long ago that sleep thief survivor Lucy Jones was down, desperate and so exhausted she was hallucinating. However, after finally finding the help she needed to get her daughter to sleep, she decided to quit her career in customer service management and retrain as a sleep coach. The 34-year-old from Lincolnshire went on to set up successful business Love Mornings through which she has assisted many sleep-deprived families across the UK. Continue reading →

BABY TRAPPED: Love, laughs and why experts are dummies…

Emily-Jane Leave a comment

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Words and stuff along with my favourite laughs from the hilarious Surviving A Sleep Thief Facebook community!

 To join us Subscribe here 

NEWS AND READS FOR THE NIGHT FEED (OR WHENEVER)…

What I have been banging on about this week…

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MY STORY OVER AT EVE

How I met the love of my life…

I remember the first time I saw you. From the moment I set eyes on you across a crowded store I knew I had to have you. Continue reading →

How to Survive the Expert Advice When Your Baby Won’t Sleep

Emily-Jane 13 Comments

expert‘SIXTEEN hours they say she needs! What are we doing wrong?’ I yell at my husband, who rolls over sleepily to join me for our regular nightly debate.

‘Is she hungry? Is she teething? Is she eating her teeth? She falls fast asleep on me but as soon as I even think about putting her in the cot she wakes up screaming!’

‘Do you check her limbs are limp?’ He enquired. Continue reading →