Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your baby won’t go the f*ck to sleep…
So, on Friday I had to walk through Waitrose with a handful of toddler sick. That pretty much sums up my week. Thankfully, I had already drank my free coffee because I am not sure what their policy is on free hot drinks for customers who leave a trail of vomit across the shop floor. I AM LIVING THE DREAM, PEOPLE.
Anyway, here is some stuff for those of you who are under a baby, feeding a baby or just too DAMN TIRED to do anything other than dick about on your phone.
1. The good news: support for postnatal illness (5 min read)
The Prime Minister has promised to provide more services to help tackle postnatal illnesses. With around 40,000 pregnant women and new mums in the UK suffering from a mental health problems this is great news! However, I think that they also desperately need to provide better care for ALL new mums right from the start. Instead of cutting funding for family charities such as Home-Start and closing children’s centres, we need to ensure that women who have just given birth have support, emotion reassurance and good old fashioned TLC. You can read about it, along with a little rant about all the really bloody obvious reasons we need to be kind to new mums in this article.
2. The even better news: Breastfeeding and boozing #brinking (6 min read)
There is a lot of confusion about whether or not it is ok to have alcohol while breastfeeding! I used to have the odd glass of wine in my nursing days…. occasionally literally (seriously, some nights the only way I could SIT down was if I stuck a boob in my baby’s mouth). I breastfed my youngest daughter for TWO YEARS for god’s sake so I have thoroughly researched this subject (on Google) and you do not have to go teetotal when breastfeeding! Hooray. Here is a great article that explains it all.
3. This tweet
I cut the crust off my daughter’s PB&J and I swear to god I heard her whisper that I’m her bitch now.
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) December 29, 2015
4. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck (12 minute read)
This is the best thing I have read on the Internet this week – and not just because it says the word fuck a lot. It makes a lot of sense…and it made me laugh.
‘Fucks given everywhere. Strewn about like seeds in mother-fucking spring time. And for what purpose? For what reason? Convenience? Easy comforts? A pat on the fucking back maybe? This is the problem, my friend. Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us. Indeed, the ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier.’
It may change your life! Read it here.. or don’t, I don’t give a fuck!!
5. The bad (or good?) news: 24 hour nurseries are a thing
There is a 24 HOUR nursery in the UK! From three months old, parents who work night shifts or long hours can leave their babies there for an ENTIRE night and bedtime, story time, night wakings and breakfast time will all be taken care of by the staff. Great right? Now, if you are currently up with your child for the zillionth time tonight and feeling sleep-deprived and stressed your first thought may be ‘brilliant – where can I sign up?’ But come the morning (post-coffee) you may change your mind. As tough as it can be, I personally would not want to have missed out on those twilight cuddles, quiet night feeds, the sleepy smiles, stories and waking up to a singing toddler climbing on your face (OK, maybe not that one). So actually I don’t think it is great. I think that it is incredibly sad that due to lack of flexible working hours and the high cost of living parents need to find nocturnal childcare. Book your place here…or not…
I read ANOTHER brilliant book. Proof that I am slowly becoming a fully functioning human again..maybe?
If you like reading about wanking then you will like this book. However, if you also like hilarious, wild and imaginative stories then you will LOVE this book! It is a coming-of-age story about a girl called Johanna Morrigan who wants to kill herself…but not literally. She wants to ‘build a new girl’ and transform herself into someone else – the legendary (possibly for all the wrong reasons) Dolly Wilde! How To Build A Girl by Caitlin Moran is available for kindle or as a book, book.
6. This app…
Does this sound familiar? “Oh the sun is out. Let’s not sit in the house all day, let’s have a nice family day out!” Sit around all day Googling family days out
If you are anything like us you will have wasted many a Saturday trying to decide what do to with your Saturday! Then by the time you have decided you realise it is way too late to leave the house with small people. So check out the Bubele app! It makes finding out what’s on for families in your area much less effort and it is free for ipads and iphones!
8. This website could make your (weird) dreams come true…
Have you ever sat at home watching TV and thought to yourself; “This evening would be SO much better if I was snuggled up on a hippopotamus and this coffee table is so boring, I wish I had a crouching Sumo Wrestler to put my glass on.” No? Me neither. But if you have thisiswhyimbroke.com could make your dream come true (Or, it’s a great way to pass the time if you are baby-trapped). I have spent (wasted) many hours this week looking at glow in the dark toilets and lightsaber dildos (Yes they are a thing).
8. This podcast..
For those of you who are too tired to read during the night shifts podcasts are a great idea! Here is my favourite by Crooked Pieces – a hilarious group of women writers!
9. These images that totally sum up parenthood
10. News from Sleep Thief HQ: A rod for my own back?
My toddler aka the Dream Crasher now spends a few nights a week in HER OWN BED (this is BIG news in our house, people) . However, I still wake up every few hours, which seems a little unfair.
Is my body clock buggered? Or, have I made a rod for my own back….I was warned! What is more, after years of moaning about her co-no sleeping, I am now a little sad it may be coning to an end. I even look forward to the nights she climbs in with me (I know, I am never bloody happy). But anyway, to all those ‘experts’ who say that co-sleeping babies will never, EVER be capable of sleeping alone. YOU ARE IDIOTS.