IT is Christmas Eve. All I want to do is to go to bed and sleep all day but I have two small children and Things To Do. I hate Things To Do.
‘I’ll get up, get dressed and get organised, I thought as i forced myself out of bed this morning. ‘I’ll write a list! A THINGS TO DO LIST. And I shall do all the things.’
Since having a baby do you occasionally feel tearful and a bit sweary? Are you sometimes a bit of a dick for no apparent reason?
Then you are probably experiencing a Mental Leap in your parental development.
Thanks to new research by The Institute of Real Life People With Actual Babies, we are now able to predict exactly when sleep-deprived parents can expect to go through these ‘fussy’ phases. Continue reading
HAVE you almost passed out doing Pantley or cried yourself out following Ford?
Are you too damn tired to try another stupid ‘revolutionary’ sleep technique that probably won’t work any way? Then help is at hand!
The Institute of Actual Real Life People With Babies has come up with an effort-free guide especially for the extremely exhausted parent.
G.O.T.O.S.L.E.E.P a pioneering method featured in my new book Sleep is for the Weak– is the only no-stress method that actually guarantees to get ANY baby to sleep through the night…eventually. Continue reading
“You need a holiday,” people would tell me.I was the mother of two children under two who did not sleep. I was tired, stressed and felt like I hadn’t sat down in years. Of course I needed a holiday. But when you are so sleep-deprived that even a trip to the Big Tesco is a major operation, the mere thought of a holiday can be terrifying.
“The sea air will help the baby sleep,” they said.
“All the excitement will tire the kids out,”’ people assured me.
I have a confession to make.
Since having babies I have become a big fat liar.
I am not proud of myself, but sometimes lying (and coffee, so much coffee) is the only way to survive The truth would simply hurt too much (or make you look like a miserable twat) so telling the odd fib is a necessary evil.
If you are a tired parent, then here are a few untruths that you might recognise (or maybe I am just a miserable twat): Continue reading
Since becoming a mother I have made my fair share of silly mistakes.
But never before had the stakes been so high…
I grabbed my two-year-old daughter and headed for the exit of the busy supermarket.
She screamed in objection to the sudden urgency, but I needed to get out of there. Time was running out. Continue reading
My firstborn started school in September.
I am now a proper grown-up parent with a schoolchild. I have to get everyone up, dressed and somewhere on time, in clean uncreased clothes, every morning. There will soon be homework, phonics, forms and parents evenings.
I have to kiss my four-year-old daughter goodbye FIVE days a week, and send her off to face new challenges and situations, without me. Continue reading
Motherhood can be lonely, but if you are sleep-deprived, it is a bit of a Catch 22.
You crave adult company but at the same time you are too bloody tired for adult company.
Some days talking to anyone over the age of two seems like way too much effort. But on other days you would quite like a moan, a laugh and a chat (ideally over wine) with someone who gets it.
But it is hard to make friends when you are always exhausted. It becomes difficult just to hold a conversation. It impairs your mental filter, tramples over your inhibitions and makes it hard to concentrate on what is being said.
So unfortunately, sleep-deprived parents are not much of a catch but fear not – there is hope for the perfect ‘Mumance’. Continue reading
The first in a series of stories called Sleep Thief Survivors by parents who have achieved success against the odds. Having children inspired and motivated them to accomplish great things!
It was not so long ago that sleep thief survivor Lucy Jones was down, desperate and so exhausted she was hallucinating. However, after finally finding the help she needed to get her daughter to sleep, she decided to quit her career in customer service management and retrain as a sleep coach. The 34-year-old from Lincolnshire went on to set up successful business Love Mornings through which she has assisted many sleep-deprived families across the UK. Continue reading
Having a baby that will NOT go to sleep or stay asleep is hard work.
They don’t sleep, so you don’t sleep and, before you know it, your house is a mess, you look a mess and your mind is fast becoming a mess.
Especially at bloody 4am. When you have been up all night. Continue reading
