For many of us, sleep-deprivation is an unavoidable aspect of parenthood.
When your bundle of joy spits in the eye of sleep – all you can do is stock up on coffee and hope that everyone is right; ‘this too shall (bloody well) pass’.
Living on barely any sleep is tough. It can make you forgetful, clumsy, prone to talking rubbish and a lot of the time you will wake up feeling like crap.
In many ways, it is very similar to being drunk.
Except being drunk is largely more fun.
But (aside from the fact it makes us irritable and lethargic) can tiredness be fun too? Ok, maybe not… But, that doesn’t mean we have to let it take us down!
Let’s be honest, some of the things that happen while under the influence of extreme tiredness are pretty funny. So we may as well laugh in the face of exhaustion by laughing at ourselves.
Here are my top 23 stupid sleep-deprived moments:
1) I tried to unlock the front door with my remote car key fob.
2) I tried to put a dummy in my baby’s ear.
3) I looked for my mobile while actually talking on my mobile.
4) I said ‘love you’ to the postman instead of ‘thank you’.
5) I waited at the traffic lights for ages because I could not remember if it was green or red for ‘go.
6) I lose count of how many spoonfuls of formula milk I have put in the bottle, and have to pour it back and start again. And again. And again.
7) I waited for 15 minutes behind a queue of parked cars thinking it was a traffic jam
8) I put my baby in someone else’s car because I thought it was mine.
9) I told a supermarket security guard my baby was missing- only to remember the baby was at my mums.
10) I made gravy in the teapot instead of the gravy boat.
11) I peeled a banana, then threw away the fruit and took a bite out of the skin.
WHERE THE HELL IS ESME?!!
12) I asked if anyone had seen my toddler, when my toddler was sat on my knee.
13) I tried to put a dummy in my partner’s mouth instead of the baby’s.
14) I sent a letter to print then sat waiting for it to arrive at my desk.
15) I emailed a file to a colleague and asked them to email it back once they have read it so I could send it to someone else.
16) I started washing myself in the shower and realised I hadn’t turned the water on.
17) I called the plumber because there was no hot water before realising I had been running the cold tap.
18) I cleaned the work surfaces in Fry Light instead of anti-bacterial cleaner.
19) I made a bottle of formula using sugar instead of formula powder.
20) I noticed a bird flying around the fairy garden I had made for the kids and thought how terrifying it must be for the fairies. I then went on to wonder whether birds eat fairies and maybe that is why they are extinct.
21) I have driven to the garage for petrol but forgotten to get the petrol.
22) I put a microwave meal in the fridge to heat up.
23) I have called my husband daddy.
So, it is official.
Extreme exhaustion can be as fun as having a few glasses of wine (or, it has finally driven me insane).
Let’s make sleep-deprived the new smashed. Tiredness the new twatted! (Preferably without having to leave the house. And while lying down.)
*Thanks to my lovely Facebook followers and tired friends for some of these contributions. You
are all hilarious (and make me feel better about my own stupidity).
Check out my new book that contains no baby sleep advice whatsoever… Just lots of laughs and tips on surviving the sleepless nights from someone who has been there! It covers everything from from Postnatal Illness and how to avoid killing your partner when you have babies and how to really and truly get your baby to sleep (eventually).
Sleep Is For The Weak: How To Survive When Your Baby Won’t Go The FzZk To Sleep at book shops or on Amazon now!
14 thoughts on “How to Win at Sleep-Deprivation”
Brilliant list – I can definitely relate to a few of these. I once sat in the car at the end of my road trying to work out exactly where on earth I was because I really didn’t know – one of those moments where the safest thing to do was just to turn back around and go home because I was clearly too tired to be able to drive safely. I’ve also thrown my keys in the dustbin and but rubbish on the kitchen counter.
Ha happens to the best of us! I have done that where my mind suddenly goes completely blank and I have no idea what I am doing!
Trying not to laugh too hard as to not wake the sleep thief that is currently asleep in my arms.
Many times I have gone to call the dog for his food and instead of calling out the dog’s name, I’ll call out my baby’s name instead. Needless to say, the dog doesn’t come running.
Ha ha brilliant. If we didn’t laugh we’d cry!!
Great stuff! I forgot to bring the pushchair when picking my 2-year-old up from nursery.
Thanks. Ha you are officially in the Idiot Parents Club!!
I do number three all the time, seriously at least once a day! I’m also prone to forgetting to wash the conditioner out of my hair. Don’t know why I bother tbh, dry shampoo rocks 😉
Can you believe someone has ONLY just told me about dry shampoo! I have never tried it.. it sounds too good to be true!!
Are you blaming tiredness on trying to put a dummy in your husbands mouth or did you actually want him to stop talking hahahahaha- I’ll try that sometime
Ha ha damn you found me out!!
Fantastic, always! xx
I had a shower and left my bra and glasses on! 🙂
Ha on the bright side.. your bra got a wash!!