When your bundle of joy spits in the eye of sleep – all you can do is stock up on coffee and hope that everyone is right; ‘this too shall (bloody well) pass’.
Living on barely any sleep is tough. It can make you forgetful, clumsy, prone to talking rubbish and a lot of the time you will wake up feeling like crap.
In many ways, it is very similar to being drunk.
Except being drunk is largely more fun.
But (aside from the fact it makes us irritable and lethargic) can tiredness be fun too? Ok, maybe not… But, that doesn’t mean we have to let it take us down!
Let’s be honest, some of the things that happen while under the influence of extreme tiredness are pretty funny. So we may as well laugh in the face of exhaustion by laughing at ourselves.
Here are my top 23 stupid sleep-deprived moments:
1) I tried to unlock the front door with my remote car key fob.
2) I tried to put a dummy in my baby’s ear.
3) I looked for my mobile while actually talking on my mobile.
5) I waited at the traffic lights for ages because I could not remember if it was green or red for ‘go.
6) I lose count of how many spoonfuls of formula milk I have put in the bottle, and have to pour it back and start again. And again. And again.
7) I waited for 15 minutes behind a queue of parked cars thinking it was a traffic jam
8) I put my baby in someone else’s car because I thought it was mine.
9) I told a supermarket security guard my baby was missing- only to remember the baby was at my mums.
10) I made gravy in the teapot instead of the gravy boat.
11) I peeled a banana, then threw away the fruit and took a bite out of the skin.
WHERE THE HELL IS ESME?!!
12) I asked if anyone had seen my toddler, when my toddler was sat on my knee.
13) I tried to put a dummy in my partner’s mouth instead of the baby’s.
14) I sent a letter to print then sat waiting for it to arrive at my desk.
15) I emailed a file to a colleague and asked them to email it back once they have read it so I could send it to someone else.
16) I started washing myself in the shower and realised I hadn’t turned the water on.
17) I called the plumber because there was no hot water before realising I had been running the cold tap.
18) I cleaned the work surfaces in Fry Light instead of anti-bacterial cleaner.
19) I made a bottle of formula using sugar instead of formula powder.
20) I noticed a bird flying around the fairy garden I had made for the kids and thought how terrifying it must be for the fairies. I then went on to wonder whether birds eat fairies and maybe that is why they are extinct.
21) I have driven to the garage for petrol but forgotten to get the petrol.
22) I put a microwave meal in the fridge to heat up.
23) I have called my husband daddy.
So, it is official.
Extreme exhaustion can be as fun as having a few glasses of wine (or, it has finally driven me insane).
Let’s make sleep-deprived the new smashed. Tiredness the new twatted! (Preferably without having to leave the house. And while lying down.)
*Thanks to my lovely Facebook followers and tired friends for some of these contributions. You
are all hilarious (and make me feel better about my own stupidity).
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