How much sleep does a baby really need? Real Life People With Actual Babies reveal the answer

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According to the latest set of pointless infant sleep guidelines by another Academy Of Expert Twats Who Have No Idea How Human Babies Actually Work,

‘Sleeping fewer than the recommended hours is associated with attention, behaviour and learning problems. Insufficient sleep also increases the risk of accidents, injuries, hypertension, obesity, diabetes and depression.’

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What Life Looks Like When Your Baby Won’t Sleep

COFFEEPASSHave you forgotten what it is like to sleep for an entire night? Do you regularly Google ‘can you die from lack of sleep?’

Then this may your life now…

1) You have a panic attack if you have to leave the house after 8pm.

2) You have a panic attack if you have to leave the house before 8am. Continue reading

Baby-Trapped: Edition #1

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Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your kid won’t go the f*ck to sleep…

It has been a while since the last post because well, Christmas. No one warned me that the festive season gets TEN TIMES BUSIER once you have a child at school. Seriously.. Nativity, fayres, fetes, carol concerts, parties, trips, I HAD TO DECORATE A BLOODY JAR FOR GOD’S SAKE. Anyway, excuses over.  Here is some stuff for those of you who are under a baby, feeding a baby or just too DAMN TIRED to do anything other than dick about on your phone.

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13 Amazing Benefits to Being a Sleep-Deprived Parent- Sleep is for the Weak

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According to the Internet, the sleep-deprived among us are well on our way to becoming obese, diabetic and depressed.

But I am here to tell you that are actually some amazing benefits to being woken up every night by a baby! Continue reading

How Not To Kill Your Partner When You Have Babies

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAEXPECTING your first child is an exciting time (when I say an exciting time. Exciting for you and your partner – boring as hell for everyone else).

“We are going to be actual grown up parents,” you exclaim, waving around a urine-covered stick, “to a cute little baby!” Continue reading

Ridiculous things you think you need to do before you have a baby

to-doWHEN I was pregnant for the first time I was obsessed with getting everything ‘ready for the baby’.

‘I will write a list.’ I declared a month before my daughter was due to arrive. ‘You can’t go wrong with a list.’

I recently found the list in question and discovered that pre-motherhood I was an idiot (and slightly obsessed with One Born Every Minute). Continue reading

HOW TO GET THINGS DONE WHEN YOUR BABY WON’T GO TO SLEEP OR STAY ASLEEP (OR LEAVE YOU THE HELL ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES).

thing to doSOMETIMES I get to the end of the day and I know I have been busy. I am tired, I haven’t eaten lunch, my back aches and I can’t remember when I last sat down.

Yet, I look around me. The washing up bowl is full of dirty dishes, there is a grubby baby sock on the kitchen sideboard, there are toys everywhere, and the baby is covered in this morning’s Weetabix.  

What have I actually been doing?  Continue reading

How to Have S.E.X When You Have Babies

bedWhen you have babies it can be a challenge to find the time (or energy) for any postnatal ‘romance’ with your partner. After all, you are too busy trying to deal with postnatal everything else…

But do not fear. Help is at hand. 

Here is my guide on how to have some post-baby action: Continue reading

How To Make Delicious Chicken Soup When You Have Babies

souprecipeI don’t usually post recipes. This isn’t really that kind of blog. Plus, I don’t actually know any. However, the delicious chicken soup my husband makes is so good I thought I would share it with you.

INGREDIENTS:

  • Chicken
  • Toddler
  • Fridge
  • Pan

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SURVIVOR STORIES: How To Travel With A Sleep Thief

The fourth Survivor Story is by adventurer and mum-of-two Bronwyn Joy who not only survived a ‘sleep thief’ but managed to travel the world at the same time!

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BRONWYN’S STORY:

I completed a Master’s Degree by coursework in Bioethics when my eldest was fifteen-months-old. The reason I’m starting an article about travel with kids like this (bear with me) is that I feel it was a great achievement in the face of extreme sleep-deprivation, only nobody ever seems to care.
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