Baby Trapped Edition 8: 9 things to entertain you during the long, long, long summer holidays

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Baby-Trapped 8: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your baby won’t go the f*ck to sleep…

1) The good news….

It is the summer holidays and so NO school run for six weeks.

2) The bad news…

It is the summer holidays so no school  for six weeks…

I have been nagged almost to death and feeling a bit weird about my youngest starting school in September but amazingly I have not completely lost my shit – yet.  However,  it is only  Day five.

Here is one thing i have learnt his week

Never play Guess Who with a 4 year old because it will end in tears..

ME: Right, you go first!

4YO: Who are you?

ME: No, remember you have to guess who I have on my card? That’s the game.

4YO: OK. Are you Captain Barnacles?

ME: No.

4YO: Are you a banana?

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How it really feels when you are too tired for biscuits

plate-of-biscuitsRemember before you had children when you and your partner used to have ‘biscuits’?

Really good biscuits that you could eat whenever and wherever you liked – in bed, on the sofa or even in the bath.

You would try all sorts of biscuits together; sometimes you would enjoy the comfort of a digestive, other times you would eat a whole packet of Hob Nobs just because you COULD.

Then you have babies and you struggle to find the time or energy to have any biscuits at all. You start to worry;

“What if we go off biscuits forever?’

“Are all the other parents having biscuits?”

“Will my partner eat biscuits with someone else? Someone with more energy and a whole tin full of home-baked cookies?”  

“What if we NEVER EVER get to eat biscuits together again?” Continue reading

How To Really And Truly Get Your Baby To Sleep Through The Night

The Institute of Actual Real life People With Babies (1)HAVE you almost passed out doing Pantley or cried yourself out following Ford?

Are you too damn tired to try another stupid ‘revolutionary’ sleep technique that probably won’t work any way? Then help is at hand!

The Institute of Actual Real Life People With Babies has come up with an effort-free guide especially for the extremely exhausted parent.

G.O.T.O.S.L.E.E.P is the only no-stress method that actually guarantees to get ANY baby to sleep through the night…eventually. Continue reading

26 lies tired parents tell

liesI have a confession to make.

Since having babies I have become a big fat liar.

I am not proud of myself, but sometimes lying (and coffee, so much coffee) is the only way to survive  The truth would simply hurt too much (or make you look like a miserable twat) so telling the odd fib is a necessary evil.

If you are a tired parent, then here are a few untruths that you might recognise (or maybe I am  just a miserable twat): Continue reading

How Not To Kill Your Partner When You Have Babies

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAEXPECTING your first child is an exciting time (when I say an exciting time. Exciting for you and your partner – boring as hell for everyone else).

“We are going to be actual grown up parents,” you exclaim, waving around a urine-covered stick, “to a cute little baby!” Continue reading

Ridiculous things you think you need to do before you have a baby

to-doWHEN I was pregnant for the first time I was obsessed with getting everything ‘ready for the baby’.

‘I will write a list.’ I declared a month before my daughter was due to arrive. ‘You can’t go wrong with a list.’

I recently found the list in question and discovered that pre-motherhood I was an idiot (and slightly obsessed with One Born Every Minute). Continue reading

How to Have S.E.X When You Have Babies

bedWhen you have babies it can be a challenge to find the time (or energy) for any postnatal ‘romance’ with your partner. After all, you are too busy trying to deal with postnatal everything else…

But do not fear. Help is at hand. 

Here is my guide on how to have some post-baby action: Continue reading

How To Make Delicious Chicken Soup When You Have Babies

souprecipeI don’t usually post recipes. This isn’t really that kind of blog. Plus, I don’t actually know any. However, the delicious chicken soup my husband makes is so good I thought I would share it with you.

INGREDIENTS:

  • Chicken
  • Toddler
  • Fridge
  • Pan

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SURVIVOR STORIES: FROM DAD TO 10 DOWNING STREET

The third in a series of stories by mums and dads who have achieved success since having babies! Becoming parents inspired them to accomplish great things!

2Father-of-three, Ben Wakeling was not only inspired to write four books as a result of having children, but he also managed to bag himself an invite to 10 Downing Street… Continue reading