TRYING to get a baby to fall asleep is a frustration that every parent will face at some point. And while some children drift off to dreamland fairly easily, others, however, just do not.
Neither of my babies liked to go to sleep. Some nights it could take anything up to four hours to get them to doze off, so I spent a lot of time desperately browsing the Internet for The Answer. As a result, I tried a lot of weird and wonderful techniques. Here are a few ways I tried and failed to get my babies to go the f**K to sleep:
I have a confession to make.
When I was a new mum I did NOT cherish every moment with my baby. In fact, I actually wanted to punch most of the moments in the face. My life consisted of trying to get my daughter to sleep, trying to get some sleep and stumbling around the house like a zombie not cherishing anything at all BECAUSE I WAS TOO BLOODY TIRED. Continue reading
WHEN it comes to getting babies to sleep, there is an abundance of advice available on the Internet, in books and from random strangers in the supermarket.
Whether you are looking to co-sleep with your baby, leave them to cry or have some fun with Ferberization – there really a method for everyone.
To help you decide how best to train your offspring, here is a comprehensive guide to some of the most popular sleep techniques (that probably won’t work): Continue reading
Babies wake up at night. This is a fact. But as they can only communicate with cries, giggles or gurgles, the tricky bit is working out why.
As we stagger towards our screaming bundles of joy for the fuckteenth time, we desperately try to figure out what is wrong.
Are they teething, hungry, do they have wind or are they just messing with us?
Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your baby won’t go the f*ck to sleep…
So, on Friday I had to walk through Waitrose with a handful of toddler sick. That pretty much sums up my week. Thankfully, I had already drank my free coffee because I am not sure what their policy is on free hot drinks for customers who leave a trail of vomit across the shop floor. I AM LIVING THE DREAM, PEOPLE.
Anyway, here is some stuff for those of you who are under a baby, feeding a baby or just too DAMN TIRED to do anything other than dick about on your phone. Continue reading
Breast milk is really good stuff. We know this.
We have seen the campaigns, read the research and studied the NHS literature we have shoved down our throats from the moment we fall pregnant.
When I was expecting my first child, I was told that breastfeeding is ‘a convenient way to provide you and your baby with a multitude of health benefits.’
To be honest, they had me at ‘convenient’.. Continue reading
Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your kid won’t go the f*ck to sleep…
It has been a while since the last post because well, Christmas. No one warned me that the festive season gets TEN TIMES BUSIER once you have a child at school. Seriously.. Nativity, fayres, fetes, carol concerts, parties, trips, I HAD TO DECORATE A BLOODY JAR FOR GOD’S SAKE. Anyway, excuses over. Here is some stuff for those of you who are under a baby, feeding a baby or just too DAMN TIRED to do anything other than dick about on your phone.
HAVE you almost passed out doing Pantley or cried yourself out following Ford?
Are you too damn tired to try another stupid ‘revolutionary’ sleep technique that probably won’t work any way? Then help is at hand!
The Institute of Actual Real Life People With Babies has come up with an effort-free guide especially for the extremely exhausted parent.
G.O.T.O.S.L.E.E.P is the only no-stress method that actually guarantees to get ANY baby to sleep through the night…eventually. Continue reading
Having a baby that will NOT go to sleep or stay asleep is hard work.
They don’t sleep, so you don’t sleep and, before you know it, your house is a mess, you look a mess and your mind is fast becoming a mess.
Especially at bloody 4am. When you have been up all night. Continue reading
Have a major procedure in hospital that results in physical pain and discomfort.
Do not sleep or eat for at least three days.
Ensure you are extremely hormonal.
Now you are ready to take on the biggest challenge of your life. Continue reading