How NOT to be a dick on the Internet (when you are a parent)

dontbeadickThe Internet is great for parents. Not only can you find information on ALL THE STUFF, there are an abundance of chat forums, Facebook groups and websites where you might just find your ‘virtual village’.

However, there are a few people who just have to ruin it for everyone…

The Dicks.

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This is why I should not watch the news

20160702_133131I was sat at my desk trying to write funny words for money when I heard the news…

‘Terrorist drives through crowds celebrating Bastille Day in Nice. Lorry speeds for 2km, killing 84 people – including 10 children. Witnesses say driver zigzagged to kill as many victims as possible…’

I listened to the rest of the story with tears in my eyes. Continue reading

How much sleep does a baby really need? Real Life People With Actual Babies reveal the answer

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According to the latest set of pointless infant sleep guidelines by another Academy Of Expert Twats Who Have No Idea How Human Babies Actually Work,

‘Sleeping fewer than the recommended hours is associated with attention, behaviour and learning problems. Insufficient sleep also increases the risk of accidents, injuries, hypertension, obesity, diabetes and depression.’

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9 ways not to annoy a new mum

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YOU have just pushed a small human out of you, you haven’t slept in days, you are sore, your boobs hurt and your hormones are all over the place.

Yet, people feel this would be a good time to come and visit you and your new baby.

No, people it is not. Continue reading

HOW TO ENTERTAIN BABIES AND TODDLERS WHILE LYING DOWN

entertainWHEN you have a baby who will not go to sleep or stay asleep, there are some mornings you really do NOT want to get out of bed…

You know the mornings I mean.

The baby has kept you up all night and yet still wakes you up ridiculously early.

Smiling.

What a bloody cheek. Continue reading

HOW TO SURVIVE WHEN YOUR BABY WILL NOT GO THE F**K TO SLEEP

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After reading  all of the lists of tips for sleep-deprived parents on the entire internet, (including Ten Ways To Tell You Are Sleep Deprived – der, I am not getting any sleep?!)  it seems that all I need to do to feel better is to eat nuts, do yoga and sleep when the baby sleeps.

Well, I have no time for yoga, my baby doesn’t sleep and the only nuts I consume are in a Snickers bar –  so I came up with my own list… Continue reading

HOW TO GET YOUR BABY TO GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP WHEN THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE ASLEEP.

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 AFTER wasting the best part of two and a half years trying sleep techniques, following advice and reading all the Get Your Baby To Sleep If You Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Read Another Boring Book on Getting Babies To Sleep books, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. Continue reading

How To Survive (And Not Get Killed By Your Partner) When You Have Babies…by James the Husband

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STEP 1 –BE PREPARED.

You think you know about babies, then you have a baby, and realise you know nothing about babies…This can be very stressful for new parents as you are usually both learning on the fly on very little sleep.  So here are just a few of the things I have learnt that people do NOT tell you about babies. Continue reading

7 Reasons Why Date Nights Are Not Worth The Effort

705428_78602247WHEN you have children, regular date nights with your partner are key to maintaining a happy, healthy relationship…(according to a magazine I read in the doctor’s surgery).

Forget communication, respect and not being a dick to each other; apparently the secret to a successful relationship is to go on a date. At NIGHT.

But according to me this is rubbish. Here is why: Continue reading