Some refreshingly different ways to get your baby to go the f**k to sleep

TRYING to get a baby to fall asleep is a frustration that every parent will face at some point. And while some children drift off to dreamland fairly easily, others, however, just do not.

Neither of my babies liked to go to sleep. Some nights it could take anything up to four hours to get them to doze off, so I spent a lot of  time desperately browsing the Internet for The Answer.  As a result, I tried a lot of weird and wonderful techniques. Here are a few ways I tried and failed to get my babies to go the f**K to sleep:

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How to pick up women when you have babies

sleep deprived mum friendsMotherhood can be lonely, but if you are sleep-deprived, it is a bit of a Catch 22.

You crave adult company but at the same time you are too bloody tired for adult company.

Some days talking to anyone over the age of two seems like way too much effort. But on other days you would quite like a moan, a laugh and a chat (ideally over wine) with someone who gets it.

But it is hard to make friends when you are always exhausted. It becomes difficult just to hold a conversation. It impairs your mental filter, tramples over your inhibitions and makes it hard to concentrate on what is being said.

So unfortunately, sleep-deprived parents are not much of a catch but fear not – there is hope for the perfect ‘Mumance’.  Continue reading

HOW TO GET THINGS DONE WHEN YOUR BABY WON’T GO TO SLEEP OR STAY ASLEEP (OR LEAVE YOU THE HELL ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES).

thing to doSOMETIMES I get to the end of the day and I know I have been busy. I am tired, I haven’t eaten lunch, my back aches and I can’t remember when I last sat down.

Yet, I look around me. The washing up bowl is full of dirty dishes, there is a grubby baby sock on the kitchen sideboard, there are toys everywhere, and the baby is covered in this morning’s Weetabix.  

What have I actually been doing?  Continue reading

CONFESSIONS OF A TIRED MOTHER

CONFESS

I have a confession to make.

I secretly hate parents of babies who sleep through the night.

Ok, maybe hate is a bit of a strong word. I don’t actually hate them; it is more that sometimes I want to punch them in the face.  I am aware this is wrong and I apologise to all my friends with sleepy babies.

It is simply a result of exhausted irritation and just plain jealousy. Continue reading