AFTER wasting the best part of two and a half years trying sleep techniques, following advice and reading all the Get Your Baby To Sleep If You Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Read Another Boring Book on Getting Babies To Sleep books, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
I have thrown away all the books, unsubscribed from mumswhoknoweverythingaboutbabies.com and I have come to accept that my baby, like her sister before her, will continue to wake me up A LOT during the night until, well, she just doesn’t.
The thing is, my babies don’t just wake up a few times for a feed or a nappy change. My babies are highly adept in the art of wakefulness. They laugh in the face of sleep training, spit in the eye of Gina Ford and would drive Supernanny to throw herself off the naughty step.
So these days I use a little technique I came up with myself called Get Your Baby To Go The F*** to Sleep By Whatever Means Necessary.
This is basically how it works:
IT is 4am and I am in bed. Awake. Again.
The Baby has woken up at regular intervals since I put her to bed at 7.30pm.
So by 4am I am seriously pissed off.
For God’s sake, what is her problem now? I whisper angrily as I head to the sleep thief’s cot once again.
I pick her up and (of course) she immediately stops crying. I sway her from side to side a bit but no lullaby. Not at 4am. She is not getting a frigging lullaby at 4am.
I can feel her eyes looking up at me. Do not make eye contact, I tell myself. Do NOT speak to her. Do NOT engage with her in any way. Any interaction will only encourage her to stay awake ALL night.
She blows raspberries, I don’t even blink. She grabs my hair. I do not move. She gurgles something and quite deliberately makes it sound a bit like Mummy, but I SHOW NO WEAKNESS.
Finally, her eyes close, her breathing becomes slow and heavy and her ‘limbs are limp’, so (according to Dr Sears), IT IS TIME.
I creep over to the cot and prepare for the nerve-wracking transfer. I hold my breath and slowly, slowly lower her over the bars.
So far, so good. I lie her down. Still asleep. I put her blankets on. Still asleep. I tip toe back to my bed, slide under the covers and close my eyes. The pearly gates of dreamland are just within my reach…
And then…
A TORTUROUS SCREAM pierces the comfortable silence of the night and snatches me from slumber once again.
Right, that is it. I have had enough of this EVERY night. I am NOT getting up again. NO more Mrs Nice Mummy. I am going to stay right here and close my eyes.
WAHHH.
Bring it on baby. I am done. I put the pillow over my head in an attempt to block out the screams. I am going to sleep.
WAAAHHHHH.
The screams are louder now but I don’t care. I am staying in bed.
WAHHHHHH. WAHHHH.
Her screaming has now woken Husband James and the Toddler but I am still NOT getting out of bed.
WAHHHHHHHHH. WAHHHHHH. WAHHHH.
Ok I am getting out of bed.
And I am back at Square One. Holding a baby in the darkness. Rocking, shushing, and praying for the strength to make it through tomorrow after another sleepless night.
She is still awake.
I play the white noise app on my phone. Music box? Ocean waves?
Still awake.
I ask her really nicely to go to sleep. I bribe her. I beg her.
Still awake.
I lie her down in the cot and activate the lullaby machine in the vague hope that tonight WILL be the night she will be ‘soothed gently into a deep sleep’. She immediately screams. I leave her for a minute – waiting for the (five star rated at Amazon) dream machine to do its work. It doesn’t. She screams some more so I get her out.
Still awake and now in a very bad mood.
I lie her down in bed next to me and feed her. (I have been trying to wean her off the night feeds using a method I call If She Screams Really Loudly I Will Just Feed Her). This also gives me the chance to do useful things like pick up my phone and Google Stuff That You Really Shouldn’t Google When You Are Sleep-deprived at 4am In The Morning. Can you die or get some horrible disease from lack of sleep? Has my baby got some horrible disease because she will not go to sleep? Why won’t my baby GO the f**k to asleep?
She has finished feeding but still awake.
Right, time for co-sleeping…or as it is known in our house Co-sleeping With The Enemy or Pretend To Be Asleep No Matter What (not for the fainthearted). She pulls my hair, she bites my nose, she stands on daddy’s head, she tries to climb up the headboard, but finally, finally, finally…
…she sleeps.
She looks cute, and at 9pm, 10pm or even 11pm I might have gazed lovingly at her for a few minutes. BUT NOT AT STUPID PAST 4AM. I am so over it by now. Desperately seeking sleep, I lie precariously on the edge of the bed. Despite her size she seems to be taking up a hell of a lot of room. But I dare not move. One cough, sneeze or bed creak and I will be right back at Square One.
I look at the clock. IF I go to sleep RIGHT this second I could still get a few hours sleep before the actual morning.
SO GO TO SLEEP.
My body is tired but mind is wide awake…and being rather annoying. Why does my baby not sleep? I am definitely not going to be able to get out of bed tomorrow/today. Everyone else’s baby sleeps. I am rubbish at babies.
OH SHUT UP AND SLEEP.
Eventually my aching muscles sink into the mattress and I doze off…for about an hour and a half. At which point, I am rudely awoken by the Toddler shouting something about Thomas the Tank Engine and Weetabix.
So I get up, get dressed (eventually) and get on with it (with the help of a big cup of coffee). And as I play, sing, read and laugh with my lively girls, I think to myself that actually I am not that rubbish at babies. My house is a mess, I can’t get my head around anything more complicated than Play Doh, but the girls are happy and healthy, so (for today at least) I am kicking sleep-deprivation’s arse….
It is amazing how much better things look after a good….ninety minutes sleep…
So, how do you get your baby to go to sleep and stay asleep when they do not want to be asleep?
Wait until they are like, really, really, really, tired (about two years) then they will finally sleep like, well, a baby….
Failing that, read this post and do the complete opposite.
Still awake? Then invest in a good survival kit – coffee, wine, a spare bed and Sky plus- and wait for it to pass. Good luck!!!
Do you have a survival kit? Feel free to share any of your tips on surviving with a sleep thief in the comment box below or on my Facebook page thingy and meet other sleep-deprived parents.
How To Survive A Sleep Thief 
We found feeds are the key, we kept to a routine of staggered 6 bottles from birth throughout the day & this seemed to keep their stomach topped up till morning.
Other half found it hard to breast feed purely because we couldn’t tell how much they were having. Obviously can’t control illness/teething/ocassionional madness. Perhaps we have been just very lucky but I think this feed routine helped.
I must be extremely lucky. My 10 month old sleeps from 7:30pm until 8:30am with just one feed and has done since birth 🙂
Holy shit! What are you feeding her!?
We are soo fortunate our 8 month old boy sleeps from around 8:30pm until around 5:30am without a peep 🙂
Ha! You are indeed!
Not necessarily, my 19 month old slept through from a few months, and is going from 7.30 to anywhere between 8.30 and 10.30. All babies are different, my boy adores his sleep and dont think it will be changing anytime soon. He doesnt seem smug at all, just happy he isnt in the same boat as a lot of others. I am one of the fortunate ones and dont know how I would cope being sleep deprived, so I sympathise to all that are.
Thank you for sharing, this has made me laugh so much, which is much needed! I am also desperate for a good night sleep, it becomes like an obsession, doesn’t it? but totally agree with you, only solution is to just wait… and a big mug of coffee and loads of chocolate to find the energy to carry on! Thank you for sharing, great knowing some other people out there are going through the same issues!!!!!
Thanks! Yes I once got so obsessed with getting that all important sleep, that I started adding up how little sleep I was getting per week! It drove me mad. Now I see any sleep as a luxury, not a given. I am still tired but not as stressed!
maybe Im just blessed with children who just sleep but a friend years ago said not to treat babies like babies and from the start do not put anything in the cot other then the baby and blankets. tell them its sleep time and turn off the lights(fully) and walk away. if they scream they scream. but they will finally realise mammy is not coming back through screaming. if they look for a feed during the night after 7 weeks old, give them water. they will soon give up and get so bored they will go to sleep. but if you continually go in when they cry, they know how to get your attention and why sleep when (their fav playmate) mammy comes if they scream hard enough. of course stay alert and near by for safety but do not relent on staying out of their room. look it worked twice for me but thats not saying it will work for others. both my children slept for 12 hours a night since 7 weeks old and still do 8 and 3 years later.And teething was not an issue as I knew something was seriously wrong when it kept them up. it was clear they were in pain and all the remedys worked for them as they were not sleep deprived children and I was a calm well rested mammy.
But they ARE babies! And they need to feel secure in this world! Glad you found something that helped you but this is not a technique that is right for us.
Perhaps you need to weigh things up. What will bring the most emotional harm to your baby – crying for 5 minutes, 7 minutes, 10 minutes (with you standing close by but just out of sight) for a number of nights or permanently stressed out, sleep deprived parents for literally years? Not forgetting the impact both options have on your toddler too. Parenting is a tough job but one of those jobs is teaching your child to settle itself to sleep (or back to sleep when they stir in the night). You wouldn’t wish to instil separation anxiety into a pet dog so why would you do it to your child? Whether we like it or not, from day one our job is to teach our children to be independent of us (self-feeding, going to the toilet alone, going off to school etc) so why is sleep any different? What will happen to your poor child if you have to go into hospital for a few days? How traumatic would that be? I appreciate how hard it is (I’ve been there) but it’s about playing the long game and ask yourself what real harm will come to your child from crying? I suspect you find this process harder on yourself than on your baby – they are resilient, extremely fast learners so have more faith in your child…and yourselves. Good luck 🙂
I use the same technique and my boy sleept through the night from 5 weeks and still loves me loads and is a mummy’s boy as long as I know he’s feed dry and warm then if he cries it’s for attention I listen to his cry on the monitor and I know his cries it’s not for every mumma but the ones I know that do it have babies that sleep like angels
but how do u know the impact. i would b scared it would made him insecure in life. he was calling for attention yes but babies should b with their mums non stop. our bodies r made to survive on less sleep. … i always just imagine women in past, e.g. tribe cultures. they would sleep with the baby and carry the baby anywhere … work with baby, cook etc. the baby was with them. now we have so much crime. etc am not saying its coz people made up cots and buggies and left babies alone to cry, put them in daycare but i always wonder what if negativity in people starts at early stages of their life. in the past 5 years of my life i have learnt that my babies are mine and i wanted them and i should just be very thankfull i have been given those two gifts.
Definitely doesn’t work for everyone. I can’t listen to my baby scream, not for 1 minute, not for 5 minutes, and definitely not for the hour that we tried this technique for on several occasions.
Me too. My baby doesn’t even cry but goes straight to screaming blue murder if I so much as pop to the toilet. Definitely not right for everyone!
That sucks Emily sorry won’t let me reply to your comment my sons not that bad luckily he just crocodile tears a lot I know they are cause he stares at me and makes sure I’m watching and cries louder if I turn away he was also such a crier from the get go so I’ve like adapt to listening to him cry and usually within 10 minutes out like a light 12 hours straight ! Yay I hope it gets better !
I am looking forward to another sleepless night with my 10 month old – Not sleeping, just ‘Night Survival’ we call it! Praying for the day he sleeps through … Having had one baby that did sleep through, and now one that doesnt, I will still love them both equally in the morning. And all though im not well rested, im still awesome 😀 Good night all x
You are awesome! I am currently under my fidgeting, hair pulling baby who cries as soon I even think about moving! Good night my friend-or rather, good luck! X
OMG your blog is hilarious!! I burst out laughing several times!! My husband and I are going through exactly the same with our little angel/mini exorcist 13 month old son. Good to know that other parents are going through/thinking the same as us!!!
Ha thanks. Glad my misery is of some use! Always good to hear from fellow sleep deprived parents! Good night, good luck!
I’m lying in bed next to my son who has taken over our bed waiting for the baby to wake and continue her onslaught of nightly sleep torture. You’ve just made me snort so loudly I nearly woke him up. Brilliant blog. I’m an antenatal teacher (who has read way too many sleep books) have 3 kids and no one sleeps in our house. Blooming farce so your words bring comfort, hilarity and much joy to me! Going to send your blog to my clients who sometimes need reminding that babies are not sleep automatons. I wish you a good hour of sleep my friend x
My babies are anything but. In my experience no matter what you do they will only sleep when they are good and ready! Glad my nightly torture is of some help! Ha. I am currently in bed with sleep thief number two who seems to think now is definitely the time to experiment with head butting. Daddy is dealing with number one! Good luck to you too! X
Right there with you. My 11 month old still wakes 1-3 hourly and my life is the same as yours. I have a 4.5 year old as well. Fun times.
One day we will sleep again. Maybe. Hopefully. Won’t we?!
Hahahaha…so true 🙂 I won’t leave mine to cry so we go through the song and dance every night too. Hang in there!
Thanks! Yes we are waiting it out too. Living in hope of that sacred good night’s sleep!
Ah this made me smile, so, so true!
I’m past that stage now, just about. My daughter wasn’t too bad, had stages of waking but could be persuaded back to good habits with controlled crying-ish techniques (not strict, I’m not willing to do that).
Boy child has the lungs of a gorilla. could keep up a scrap all night if required. So he slept in with us for pretty much the first year. I decided to choose sanity and sleep over ‘creating a rod for my own back’ guilt. He’s now 3 and sleeps brilliantly, decides he wants to go to bed when he’s tired, and sleeps through most nights. Though there are still some times when one or other of us heads through for an hour of lying on his floor (daddy mostly now as he’s suddenly the favourite parent!)
Good luck for tonight! This too shall pass.
Ah thanks for this. Love hearing a success story! I choose sanity and sleep every time and little one sometimes, if we are lucky, finally settles in our bed most nights!
Just a thought, but if baby is going to end up in your bed, why not just take baby straight to your bed so you all sleep better. Makes no sense to me putting you both thro trying to get baby to sleep and in cot. Trouble is baby knows it too! But you might get a few more minutes/hours sleep. My son slept thro from 15 weeks but my daughter different – but she had coughing/choking episode at 3 weeks so I used to rush to her when she stirred. Now reaping effects …
Yes it is a nice thought but she doesn’t always just actually sleeP in our bed but wants to play!
It’s as of you’ve been a fly on the wall in our house for the last 8 months.
I loose track of the amount of times I get asked if he’s sleeping any better. If he’s in his cot yet. If he’s in his own room yet. NO he’s not. He’s lying at the side of me and he’s learnt how to pull my vest down and help himself. But do you know what. He’s the happiest baby you’ll ever meet and this way we both get some sleep!
I”ll tell you what is new though, this week I decided to stop trying to live up to what I used to think he “should” be doing and enjoy the sleep we do get.
Good idea. And actually my baby is lively and entertaining – 24 hours a day. So as hard as it is right now it is so worth it!
I believe the problem lies with putting the baby to bed at 7pm… Think about it for a moment. We usually get anywhere from 7 to 8hrs sleep a night, right? Well if you put baby down at 7pm, come 4am that’s time served! My son is almost 6 months.. and he has been sleeping threw the night since he was 2 months.. My wife and I have worked his feeding schedule so that he gets his last bottle at 10pm. So come 6am he is ready for his first bottle of the day! BAM 8hrs sleep. Now after his 6am we put him BACK down to sleep till about 9:30a 10am of which he gets his 10am and then starts the day. So all in all, we’re looking at almost 12hrs sleep with a 15 to 20 min feeding time at 6am.
So his schedule is as follows.. 6am bottle then back to sleep, 10am bottle with playtime and exercise, 12pm nap, 2pm bottle with playtime, snuggles and exercise, sometimes a 4pm nap (based on how he’s doing), 6pm bottle with playtime and exercise bath time, 9pm nap, 10pm LAST Bottle for the night then to bed…
I know not everyone has a schedule that might allow this kind of break down, but if at least you try and make baby’s last bottle as late as you can, hopefully they will sleep threw the night. Its been working like a dream for us! Good luck
Thanks for sharing. We have tried early bedtime, late bedtime, keeping her up with us, dream feeds, plenty of play and exercise, snack before bed! She is not waking wits hunger she simply doesn’t want to be asleep!
My oldest daughter simply doesn’t want to sleep either. We just go with it too… I have moments of guilt trying to fit in to society but our children are happy and I sleep ok because I co-sleep if there is any problem in the night rather than fight the problem and waken the whole house.
It’s not easy sometimes but it is a precious time and I am honestly savouring it most of the time because all too soon, they won’t need us in the same way at all and this time is flying by. Peace out all sleep seekers x
Yes this is only a tiny part of their lives and so I try to make the most next when I get a good nights, well a good two hours sleep! Peace out back at you my friend!
Great blog!.. It’s so difficult to know what to do for the best really, I have twin girls now 18 months and one has always slept through and needed slightly more sleep and the other wakes up and cries out on a regular basis, we always went in up until around 14 months and then realised she didn’t actually need anything and now leave her to go back to sleep, but those 14 months were so hard. I don’t think you can control it or blame your parenting, some people are lucky and have easy babies, some difficult and the rest sit somewhere in between!..coffee and cat naps are the key ..lol
Thanks! You are right of course, we shouldn’t blame ourselves…I blame the babies!
I love reading things like this. It makes me feel soooo much better about my own son’s terrible sleep patterns and our failed attempts at sleep training. I’ve had days where I’m so tired I’ve almost thrown up but I know it’s not forever (well, it had better not be!)
Hope you get some decent sleep soon.
Thanks, you too! we live in hope!
My little monster has just recently started sleeping much better after 18 months of the 2-3 hour waking nonsense. I did everything ‘right’ that you’re meant to do from the start (all those ‘helpful’ suggestions listed above – do they really think parents of non-sleepers are completely oblivious to the various sleep training techniques?) but she wasn’t having any of it! I don’t know what changed in the last month. Of course I’m expecting another baby any day now (when did I have the energy to have sex?!) so it’ll probably be months and months again before I get a vaguely decent nights sleep.
My conclusion is that if you’ve got a good sleeper then it’s mostly down to luck. 95% baby’s personality, 5% what you do influences how well, or not, they sleep. No one wants to have a badly sleeping baby!!!
Ha I agree. My first baby started sleeping of her own accord after about two years, nothing to do with the countless rubbish we tried, then of course, we had her sister to deal with. With baby two we were determined not to get another bad sleeper so were all over it from day one! More relaxed, didn’t let her sleep on us for hours, put her down awake bla, bla boring bla! Yes still she doesn’t sleep. If it is the way they are you just have to wait it out I guess! At least I can look at my toddler and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel!
Oh girls…. This has brought back so many memories. I truly believe you should go with what you feel is right for you. My son is now 23!!!!!! and I am getting lots of sleep lol, so we get there in the end. I never left him to cry, call me soft or whatever you want…. I just went with the flow…. What else can you do. I read lots of books and older mums gave me advice which really made me feel I was rubbish. So as I said in the end I thought stuff it I’m going to listen my natural instincts (no not throw them out of the window) and my baby (at full pelt) pick him up, feed him and soothe him back off to sleep…don’t you just love them……. So funny reading the blog. Nothing changes x enjoy your little bundles they soon grow up xxxxx
You are so right. With my first baby i never trusted my instincts at all – i just went with all the advice from books or other people. But now, with my second I trust myself a lot more and go with the flow as you say. I am still tired but not half as stressed!! x
Thanks! I agree. With my first baby I never trusted myself and went with everything the books or experts told me. Where as now with my second, i follow my natural instincts and i am still tired – but not half as stressed!! x
Brilliant – and so true. We are at the pillow over our heads and try to ignore crying stage which will inevitably turn into – I need a nights sleep, stuff it and bring him in bed with us. DS1 (now nearly 6) was a text book sleeper and I knew we wouldn’t get a 2nd one. DS2 is nearly 8 months and life is too much of a party to sleep for him.
ha yes that is it – we have little party animals on our hands..
I have had 2 of these little non sleeping monsters, second one is just starting to get the idea of how to stay asleep at 22 months. With the first I refused to let him get in our bed and all those other things that supposedly will make them never sleep, he was still 21 months before he slept through, so with the second one I just gave in after a while and put him in our bed when he woke up, at least then I could be lying down while awake! He eventually just stayed in his own bed longer and longer.
I do the same now. It sometimes works – but sometimes (like last night!) she wakes up and just wants to party- all night!! But more often than bot i manage to get an hour or two at least with her next to me. I know it won’t be forever. My toddler is 2.5 and sleeps really well in her new big girl bed!! So I am confident when the baby is a bit older she will see her sister going off to bed and want to do the same (she copies everything she does now anyway)!
I love this. So true. There really is no answers (although there’s about 1000 smug parents who will tell you them). I have 2 children, one that didn’t sleep through till she was 4 yrs old (other than a few months to lead me into a false sense of security and allow me to conceive number 2). And one that slept through from around 5 minths. I have brought them up exactly the same and honestly tried every trick in the book with my first and nothing worked. For those that are going through it, I can only wish them all the luck in the world and promise that it does pass – eventually.
I went through the same thing with my two babies. Tried everything in the book with the first, did the opposite of this with my second. Two very different babies but same result= babies who will not sleep!! But my 2.5 years old who FINALLY sleeps is the light at the end of my very long and exhausting tunnel…
My son was an amazing baby slept through from his first night until 4months hit n I went through exactly what you did I’ve felt every little thing you’ve written above the only time he would sleep is in bed with us n that I wouldn’t have and then at 10 months old I was this mummified character with lack of sleep for months I’d send him to my mother in laws not to do house chores or anything but to sleep all day! At 10 months old daddy came up with the best idea we had a spare room and bed so he said why not put him in his own bed so I was not the slightest convinced besides this was my first baby not only was I putting him in his own bed at 10 months old I was for the first time putting him in his own room too! Guess what it worked! He woke three times still but the difference was he wasn’t in the cot next to my bed screaming n crying n falling out of the cot whilst he slept I slept when he woke I’d give him his feed soothe him off and gently swift off into my own room I hope things get better for you because as a mum with a working partner and the very littlest help I know the feeling x
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Thank you! We have put her in her own room recently but she doesn’t seem to be any better or worse. However, maybe she would prefer a bed to her cot? She certainly likes ours! Worth a go.
This is great! What’s even more humorous is the comments on here made by some of the parent’s who think they have cracked the sleep deprivation problem! No child is the same, therefore no one method will work with all. I have 3 children, my first two slept from 6 and 8 weeks an amazing 12 hours a night. However my third who is currently 3 has NEVER slept through the night. We have tried leaving her to scream but that distressed her so much that she now refuses to sleep in her room! We have had to bring her bed into ours to try and get some sleep and to avoid all the bed swapping that was going on through the night. She now sleeps, but not until we have both gone to bed! She will no doubt, one day, learn to be independent, but in a world where we are living very busy lives, sharing a few hours at night with your baby, co bed sharing isn’t that terrible, unless others make you believe it is!
Thanks for your comment! I think you are right. No two babies are the same and they all need different things.we usually end up with the baby in with but it can go one of two ways. She will sleep for a few hours taking up maximum space but at least it is respite! Or, like last night, she will decide to have an all night party!
My lo is 19 weeks and has spent the entire day screaming and not sleeping. pretty unusual for her thankfully but she’s now over tired so i have put her down early in the hope that she’ll stay calm after a big feed for long enough to fall asleep. I have no back up tonight either as OH is away until tomorrow evening. So last resort Baby Einstein on the ipad in the cot white noise in the back ground for when it ends and me on the sofa outside praying that she falls asleep……It’s not looking good.
Oh good luck my friend!
I feel your pain, I have 22 month old twins who have slept through a handful of times, we got a spare double bed and take one each when they wake, not for everyone but this way we get way more sleep. I could never just let them cry, I’m too soft. Secretly I love the cuddles x
Seriously all you parents with non-sleeping twins to deal with are amazing! I will never moan about it being hard again!
Hey, you’re using the same night weaning technique as me!
Thanks for that – I feel so much better about my 10month old twins’ failure to sleep through the night (I’d even settle for them sleeping through the evening!)
Yes me too. An evening to ourselves is a rare treat. A night to ourselves is unheard of! Twins! Wow you must have your work cut out!
I have no advice other than I feel your pain. This is why I only have one child – exactly the same every single night for 18 months. I hope it improves!
It is ok to be honest i have had more advice than i have had sleepless nights! What really helps is knowing others are going through the same thing. Not sure why but it does. So thanks. It will improve – my toddler is now 2.5 years old and FINALLY sleeps like, well, a baby!! Just hope her sister eventually does the same!
My 20 month twins generally sleep 7-7 and have done since 9 months, but maybe once a week/two weeks one wakes up in the night (just to keep us on our toes) so it’s just easier to bring that one into bed with us to save waking up the other twin. It gets interesting though when no. 2 then wakes and we end up with 4 of us in our double bed, inevitably me and the other half are hanging off the edges of the bed whilst the girls are spread out in the middle lol! I wasn’t a big fan of co-sleeping before but I say whatever keeps you sane is the way to go!
Ha yes, how come tiny babies take up so much of the bed!?
yup, same night feeding/co-sleeping malarkey in this house . ds1 was a great sleeper, loved his bed and didn’t present with any real bedtime challenges. then ds2 came along, whole different ball game, and now both boys take ages to settle at bedtime, need me to lie with them, have to nurse ds2 to sleep, feeds through the night, all ‘terrible habits’ that i’ve gotten into. i miss a full nights’ sleep, would like to spend a full night in my own bed but this bedtime phase shall pass. looking at the bigger picture, in ten or twelve years time i’ll have more sleepless nights wondering where they are and who they’re with. at least now i know who they’re with by night-me! i fully agree that all children are different and some will sleep through the night with little or no encouragement but it saddens my heart when babies/toddlers are allowed to cry, accused of manipulating their parents, crying crocodile tears etc. they’re babies, they only have tears to communicate!! i’m sure if they could clear their throat and say-excuse me mum, i know you’re having your me time but i’ve just had a bad dream/wet my vest/saw a scarey shadow/really miss you-then i bet they would. until then, they’re going to cry and as parenting is a 24hour job then its our job to get up off the sofa and go to our babies. goodnight!
What good points. Not looking forward to teenhood!
Oh if mine could talk she would definitely not be so polite- more like ‘what are are you doing trying to sleep without me mummy? It is time to party!’
This made me laugh, awesome post!I have nearly 2 year old twins and they take it in turns to do this, I honestly can’t remember what a solid 2 hour sleep feels like!! Xxx
Sleeping hating twins! I don’t know how you do it!!
This is awesome!! I have nearly 2 year old twins that take it in turns to do this, I honestly can”t remember what more than 2 hours sleep feela like!! Xxx
I don’t know how u cope with the toddler waking as well. This is the worst part for me. Not 2 at the same time!! But don’t worry about co sleeping for a while. If that’s what works then great. U need ur sleep to function well in the day and that’s what really matters.
Thanks! Actually the toddler finally sleeps thank god! She sometimes wakes up for dummy/drink/nightmare but then daddy sees to her and she goes straight back to sleep! Yes co sleeping with the baby can be a god send when it works and she goes to sleep!
I absolutely refused to be awake AND standing in the middle of the night. Nope. So, at first we had a pack-n-play by my bed and when he was able to pull up on it (5 months) we transitioned to all-night bedsharing. At 12 months we began putting him to sleep on a mattress on the floor in his room and upon his first waking we would bring him to bed with us. He nursed at night until he finally night weaned at 23 months. At 2, he got a big boy bed and that, in conjunction with his getting older is helping him sleep a little better. Days after introducing the big boy bed he slept through 10pm-7am with no waking for the first time EVER. Now at nearly 27 months he will sleep bedtime to morning about 2 times a week, and the other times he will wake in the middle of the night and he comes in our bed until morning (like we’ve been doing since he turned 1). This evolving routine came to us simply because walking back and forth while singing (or not singing) wasn’t an option for me. [Love your writing, btw 🙂 🙂 ]
Thanks! It is great to hear a success story! Sounds like a good option to me-especially during these winter nights!
I could relate so much to your post! My son was just the same and we tried everything but he could cry for 12 hours straight through the day so leaving him for 1/5/7 minutes was never going to work!!! Just to give you something to look forward to – he is now 11 years old and for years now he has just got himself up when he is awake, put on the telly and fixed some cereal – he worked out that the quieter he was, the longer we would sleep and he’d get to watch more tv 🙂 he just doesn’t need much sleep and that doesn’t fit in with the rest of us so when he really needed us for everything it was RUBBISH but on a positive note, we have never needed to leave a party early, while friends were taking their grumpy, sleepy children home, he was tearing up the dance floor 🙂
Ha great story. So there are benefits to having a sleep thief!!
Definitely, and even more so when I can shout from my bed at the weekend, “A, pretty please can you bring your aged mother a cup of tea and some toast?” and as he’s been up for hours he’s all spritely and does it!!! That it sweet payback 🙂
Oh how lovely. Now THAT is the dream! I just asked my toddler for a cup of tea to test the water but she responded with simple ‘no mummy’. Ah well, one day!
That made me giggle. Because now, with a soon to be 15 year old a 13 year old and an 8 going on 18 year old. I can confirm. You will be the recipient of sleep. Eventually! It’s gone the other way now, now he won’t get out of his pit!!! Lol. Hang in there!!!! All will be well, and those parents who spout about having the perfect sleeping child. I’m sat here laughing my arse off. If you think you are in the clear wait until the get hormonal!!! Stay sane drink wine and most of all keep your sense of humour. You’re gonna need It 😉
Thank you! I will try to keep smiling, not sure about staying sane, but drinking wine I can definitely do!
For my first 3 children, co sleeping made it manageable, with older babies helping themselves to boobies while I mostly stayed asleep. My 4th child just saw being in our bed as playtime, so didn’t work. Now at 2yrs 9m she still wakes on average 3 times a night and combined with my almost non sleeping 10m old, I average 3 hrs sleep per night, in total. Now have a co sleeping toddler and a baby who usually takes about 45min to get to sleep, then only stays down about 20min, which is sometimes interrupted by my toddler waking. Sleep training hasn’t worked for us as mine simply scream hysterically until they vomit, for anything less than being picked up.
Oh sounds really tough but you are not alone with the hysterics and Babies Who Will Not Be Trained!
How can I do this when my little man simply stands straight back up, screaming, when I put him down? Would I need to just stand next to the cot repeatedly putting him down? What about when he vomits? Should I quietly clean him and the cot, change bedding etc all with no eye contact and then reassume?
Thank you. Made me laugh out loud. I have a 5 yo who sleeps fine, always has, a 3yo who doesn’t sleep and a 1yo who probably would if he didn’t keep getting woken up by his brother! I could have written this myself! I find it hilarious how many people still try to’solve’ things despite your writing. I think you are very gracious in your replies! Here’s to getting some sleep in 2014. 😀 X
Ha thank you! I figure people have the best intentions but what us sleep thief ‘victims’ really just want is a little moan now and again! And to know we are not alone lo this nightly battle. Before I wrote this I never imagined there were so many of us out there! X
Wow, I feel like this could have easily be written by me….a couple of years ago. I am out of the worst of it now, but it takes years! I also had two non sleepers and yes all the baby sleep books are a waste of time and money. Here’s a post from a while ago, when I was dying from lack of sleep, it’s horrible, hope you get some light at the end of the tunnel soon:
Hope ypu don’t mind blatent self promotion!
Thanks! It is not always easy but I keep telling myself it is not forever!
Oh I absolutely understand where u are coming from!!! I laughed so much as this is exactly what happens to me…and mine are 5 and 3 and STILL I hold their hands to get them to sleep and STILL they wake up and call/cry for me or come to find me. Just last night we all ‘slept’ as a family in our double bed!! I have actually resigned myself to the interrupted sleep and I am sure at some point they will finally tell me, “mummy go away” but it ain’t happening soon. When they are a bit bigger we are thinking bunkbeds and then finally the novelty and the physical impossibility of holding hands will finally release me….who knows. But they are my angels and if wanting mummy nearby is what makes them feel content and safe then that’s what they get. They are still so young.
Ha thanks. Sounds like you need a bigger bed!
[…] HOW TO GET YOUR BABY TO GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP WHEN THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE ASLEEP. […]
“I have been trying to wean her off the night feeds using a method I call If She Screams Really Loudly I Will Just Feed Her”. Love it! Made me properly laugh. Thank-you 🙂 I used the same method for my first and BOOM- three years later she sleeps through! The second is, so far, a good sleeper, but I won’t hesitate to use this method to wean her if and when the time comes. Thanks for sharing 😀
Thanks! This technique never fails…ha. I also use the If She Won’t Go Back To Sleep Stick a Boob in Her Mouth And Hope system!
Both my boys have been good sleepers. I don’t know what it is I particular but I believe fresh air and a midnight feed are a help. We actually wake the baby (9 mo) at midnight for a bottle and a change, he’ll sleep to about 7-8am after going to bed at 8.30 pm. We did the same with the now 3 yo.
Oh my goodness I completely hear you! And then at three years old we were able to teach our eldest to creep in quietly and lie down without waking anybody and it was fantastic.
Ha what a great idea!
Yeah, I did the same and decide sanity was more important and looked at what was important, pretending that m lifey is perfect in this testing period or go with the flow. I slept with my two as they were let’s face it wanted to feel safe I slept well they did too so eventually I had at least 5 hours sleep. I ensure babies had milk and cereal before bed to avoid hunger pains at night. I also slept during the day as my body was saying sleep or get ill, easily irritable etc. My house is a mess but works and is practical, essentially safe too. It is allows the children to play, learn and become independent. The show home were you clear up, not allowed this toy in this room etc didn’t work for us.
Ha the dream is to one day afford a cleaner! Until then just don’t have guests ever!
Ha, this sounds like my life my first son slept like a log from 6pm till 8am i of course smugly thought i was a freaking great first time mum, especially when he walked early spoke beautifully and ate anything i put in front of him…..I was freaking wrong ten years later and a baby, another beautiful boy there was me smugly i will just do what i did with the eldest no problems its all about the routine…..what i didnt factor in was this baby was born from the devils spawn and is the polar opposite to his brother…..he wont sleep, oh he goes down perfectly at 6pm after his dinner ( which he is extreamly fussy about) he sleeps well until the very moment i close my eyes no matter what time i go to bed its like he has a sixth sence of my eyes closing and sleep welcoming me, but i have found the cure ( please dont shout at me i already know i am a crap mum) chocolate white to be specific i give him some when he screams at me he is happy then to grab a bottle and go back to sleep ( he is 19 months by the way i am not feeding a newborn white chocolate at midnight i promise) and i get some precious sleep.
Yes! They are definitely psychic. As soon as I start to drift off,I swear I hear mine thinking ‘let the games begin’! Brilliant-that is one technique have not tried!
Thank you. Thank you more than you can imagine for just being honest and normal.
It’s bloomin awful. I feel like I’m being tortured and yet all the other mums and dads say their baby sleeps 16 hours a day and they have wonderful, fulfilled parent relationships for the 20 seconds they need to look after their child.
I walk around like a zombie and want to cry from tiredness at work.
Thank you again. It’s nice to know we’re not the only ones.
Chris x
I know what you mean. I feel so much better for finding out there are others out there going through the same thing. Not sure why it helps but it really does. And if it makes you feel any better, since becoming a parent I may have cried more than the babies!
When it comes to babies in the night I cant help but share my perspective!
Wow this made me so sad and full of gratitude. I did not have such a terrible experience. Not because my baby slept through the night because he didnt. My baby woke up every two hours till he was two! The end of two not the beginning. He slept next to me the whole time. He woke up, woke us all up, I snuggled him, feed him and he slept again, except when he wanted to play. Then we played. I trained MYSELF to fall back asleep immediately within 30 seconds with MEDITATION. Is the parents that need sleep training not the babies! I never put him in a baby cage. I never felt deprived, nor did he, even though I may have looked it, because I knew a few years was nothing in the grand scheme of our lives and we have one of the closest mother son relationships I know. In fact I dont know many nine year olds that can sit down and talk to their mother the way we do, so secure in who he is, open with his feelings and genuinely happy to be with me. It is beautiful allowing our babies to be as they are and MOMMIES, so worth the sacrifice. Babies are so full of life! We are so tired with our hectic lives out of balance with nature, and so we want THEM to stop being so AWAKE so we can sleep away and forget what they are trying to teach us; when really, being AWAKE is so very wonderful and natural. There is nothing wrong with the babies, it’s our attitude that is suffering. Just a different perspective but my advise… Chuck the coffee. Invest in Superfoods. Get a meditation tape. Spend more time in nature and less time on smart phones and relax and enjoy the loving fatigue that comes with parenting.
And imagine that the characters in the blog below where a whimpering grandparent that is YOU who cant sleep because you are close to death and you desperately want to connect and be AWAKE and the “mommy” is your child, now grown up, and cursing under their breath at how frigging annoying you are waking up and crying for Love all the time. ONE day you will be the child again, old and vunerable and your children will remember. PEACE UNTO YOU
Thanks. Always good to hear a different take on things!
Emily, if there’s something your sleep deprivation didn’t affect is your sense of humour (or maybe it enhanced it?). Seriously, if you can still find an hilarious perspective on this, then hats off to you, you’re one badass wonderwoman! Not sure if it could work for you, but I hired a non professional nanny, which didn’t cost me a fortune to help me go through the day. I sometimes had a nap after lunch with her watching the twins. It was a little bit of a gamble dictated by kind of an emergency situation. .. I was lucky that it went OK but I don’t know how I would have done without her.
Ha after years of sleep deprivation have got to the point that if I don’t laugh I will cry! And possibly never stop!
Twins must be really hard. I would love that but at the moment our budget wouldn’t even stretch to non professional right now! Luckily I have Nana who I can call on a really bad day and husband and I take turns to sleep in on weekends! The ultimate goal is to one day afford a cleaner! Ha wild dreams!
I have 15 week old twins and every night seems to be different – I have, on occasion, heard the yell (my babies don’t cry or whimper, they go straight to YELL) and hopped up out of bed and grabbed the wrong baby. The one who was sleeping soundly. And woken him with a fright so he bawls, and the original one is still bawling. I DEFINITELY wouldn’t let mine cry, it’s a case of “oh-shit-ones-crying-shut-him-up-he’ll-wake-the-other-one” – I’m kinda used to the sleep deprivation now, I’ve learned to cat nap. You can recuperate a lot in seventeen minutes 😉 I know it won’t be forever, so I don’t really mind. I do hate when other people with babies younger than mine brag about them sleeping through, though. Like seriously. It’s like a giant contest. “He came out of the womb and slept for 12 hours straight and even set the alarm and woke me in the morning”. I have seen some late night infomercials those sleepers will never see, and they will never know how many things a multi-chopper can chop or how fast I can get abs or remove hair permanently. Missing out, I tell ya.
Twins? Oh i have it easy compared to you in that case!!
Ha yes there are many benefits to not getting much sleep… Those are just a few! We are lucky really because if we are ever captured by enemy spies and they torture us with sleep deprivation – we will be able to kick its arse!!!
Made me chuckle my answer iv got twin boys there two now they go to bed at 6:30 and I go at 10 but my problem is co sleeping the only way they would sleep they do sleep till 7:30 next day but there still in my bed
Ah see why doesn’t this work for me? Trying co sleeping right now and yet she still wakes up all the time to kick me, pull my hair or climb on my head.
What worked for our twins, who were combination fed til 8 weeks then just formula: 1) get them ‘tanked up’ on feeds in the last couple before bedtime (7pm?), so their tummies are full enough to see them through the night (started @8 weeks for us) 2) put them down sleepy but not asleep for EVERY nap/sleep – “please put her in the cot now grandma, no really, put her down now!” 3) we still use a dummy for naps/sleeps, which stops the suck trigger waking them once they are old enough/weigh enough to not need the night feeds(s) 4) buy a Vicks £30 vaporiser when they have colds, but watch for damp on the walls
We found the baby whisperer / healthy sleep habits books worked for us and seemed to have a well balanced approach, I.e. routines but not schedules to the exact minute. Good luck!
Thanks. I sure need it! X
Brilliant brilliant brilliant, I have not laughed that much in ages . I pretty much go through the same every night . I’m glad I’m not alone and good to hear a mum being honest .
Thank you. The best thing about writing this is finding so many parents going through the same thing! I had seriously thought my babies were freaks of nature!
Thank you! Nice to hear from fellow ‘victim’! How is it these babies are getting the better of so many of us!?