AFTER wasting the best part of two and a half years trying sleep techniques, following advice and reading all the Get Your Baby To Sleep If You Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Read Another Boring Book on Getting Babies To Sleep books, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
I have thrown away all the books, unsubscribed from mumswhoknoweverythingaboutbabies.com and I have come to accept that my baby, like her sister before her, will continue to wake me up A LOT during the night until, well, she just doesn’t.
The thing is, my babies don’t just wake up a few times for a feed or a nappy change. My babies are highly adept in the art of wakefulness. They laugh in the face of sleep training, spit in the eye of Gina Ford and would drive Supernanny to throw herself off the naughty step.
So these days I use a little technique I came up with myself called Get Your Baby To Go The F*** to Sleep By Whatever Means Necessary.
This is basically how it works:
IT is 4am and I am in bed. Awake. Again.
The Baby has woken up at regular intervals since I put her to bed at 7.30pm.
So by 4am I am seriously pissed off.
For God’s sake, what is her problem now? I whisper angrily as I head to the sleep thief’s cot once again.
I pick her up and (of course) she immediately stops crying. I sway her from side to side a bit but no lullaby. Not at 4am. She is not getting a frigging lullaby at 4am.
I can feel her eyes looking up at me. Do not make eye contact, I tell myself. Do NOT speak to her. Do NOT engage with her in any way. Any interaction will only encourage her to stay awake ALL night.
She blows raspberries, I don’t even blink. She grabs my hair. I do not move. She gurgles something and quite deliberately makes it sound a bit like Mummy, but I SHOW NO WEAKNESS.
Finally, her eyes close, her breathing becomes slow and heavy and her ‘limbs are limp’, so (according to Dr Sears), IT IS TIME.
I creep over to the cot and prepare for the nerve-wracking transfer. I hold my breath and slowly, slowly lower her over the bars.
So far, so good. I lie her down. Still asleep. I put her blankets on. Still asleep. I tip toe back to my bed, slide under the covers and close my eyes. The pearly gates of dreamland are just within my reach…
And then…
A TORTUROUS SCREAM pierces the comfortable silence of the night and snatches me from slumber once again.
Right, that is it. I have had enough of this EVERY night. I am NOT getting up again. NO more Mrs Nice Mummy. I am going to stay right here and close my eyes.
WAHHH.
Bring it on baby. I am done. I put the pillow over my head in an attempt to block out the screams. I am going to sleep.
WAAAHHHHH.
The screams are louder now but I don’t care. I am staying in bed.
WAHHHHHH. WAHHHH.
Her screaming has now woken Husband James and the Toddler but I am still NOT getting out of bed.
WAHHHHHHHHH. WAHHHHHH. WAHHHH.
Ok I am getting out of bed.
And I am back at Square One. Holding a baby in the darkness. Rocking, shushing, and praying for the strength to make it through tomorrow after another sleepless night.
She is still awake.
I play the white noise app on my phone. Music box? Ocean waves?
Still awake.
I ask her really nicely to go to sleep. I bribe her. I beg her.
Still awake.
I lie her down in the cot and activate the lullaby machine in the vague hope that tonight WILL be the night she will be ‘soothed gently into a deep sleep’. She immediately screams. I leave her for a minute – waiting for the (five star rated at Amazon) dream machine to do its work. It doesn’t. She screams some more so I get her out.
Still awake and now in a very bad mood.
I lie her down in bed next to me and feed her. (I have been trying to wean her off the night feeds using a method I call If She Screams Really Loudly I Will Just Feed Her). This also gives me the chance to do useful things like pick up my phone and Google Stuff That You Really Shouldn’t Google When You Are Sleep-deprived at 4am In The Morning. Can you die or get some horrible disease from lack of sleep? Has my baby got some horrible disease because she will not go to sleep? Why won’t my baby GO the f**k to asleep?
She has finished feeding but still awake.
Right, time for co-sleeping…or as it is known in our house Co-sleeping With The Enemy or Pretend To Be Asleep No Matter What (not for the fainthearted). She pulls my hair, she bites my nose, she stands on daddy’s head, she tries to climb up the headboard, but finally, finally, finally…
…she sleeps.
She looks cute, and at 9pm, 10pm or even 11pm I might have gazed lovingly at her for a few minutes. BUT NOT AT STUPID PAST 4AM. I am so over it by now. Desperately seeking sleep, I lie precariously on the edge of the bed. Despite her size she seems to be taking up a hell of a lot of room. But I dare not move. One cough, sneeze or bed creak and I will be right back at Square One.
I look at the clock. IF I go to sleep RIGHT this second I could still get a few hours sleep before the actual morning.
SO GO TO SLEEP.
My body is tired but mind is wide awake…and being rather annoying. Why does my baby not sleep? I am definitely not going to be able to get out of bed tomorrow/today. Everyone else’s baby sleeps. I am rubbish at babies.
OH SHUT UP AND SLEEP.
Eventually my aching muscles sink into the mattress and I doze off…for about an hour and a half. At which point, I am rudely awoken by the Toddler shouting something about Thomas the Tank Engine and Weetabix.
So I get up, get dressed (eventually) and get on with it (with the help of a big cup of coffee). And as I play, sing, read and laugh with my lively girls, I think to myself that actually I am not that rubbish at babies. My house is a mess, I can’t get my head around anything more complicated than Play Doh, but the girls are happy and healthy, so (for today at least) I am kicking sleep-deprivation’s arse….
It is amazing how much better things look after a good….ninety minutes sleep…
So, how do you get your baby to go to sleep and stay asleep when they do not want to be asleep?
Wait until they are like, really, really, really, tired (about two years) then they will finally sleep like, well, a baby….
Failing that, read this post and do the complete opposite.
Still awake? Then invest in a good survival kit – coffee, wine, a spare bed and Sky plus- and wait for it to pass. Good luck!!!
Do you have a survival kit? Feel free to share any of your tips on surviving with a sleep thief in the comment box below or on my Facebook page thingy and meet other sleep-deprived parents.
How To Survive A Sleep Thief 
This is great! Thanks for posting. Going through this with number two also, and feeling like a failure oh…. ALWAYS. But! I know it’s just my stupid western expectation that a baby will sleep through the night. They’re worth it though. Remind me of that in the morning…
Thanks. I know what you mean. We are told they should definitely be sleeping at certain ages etc! It is hard but yes, totally worth it!
Kick your husband out of bed. Make him sleep in spare room, sofa, cushion on floor in living room, blow up mattress. This won’t solve your child waking up but it will mean you don’t have to get up to go to her AND it means there will be enough space in the bed you don’t have to clutch the side (I hear you on that). Your marriage will survive. You MIGHT, MIGHT get 5 more minutes sleep a night. Maybe. But you don’t have to get out of bed in the middle of the night and at the moment it’s just too bloody cold to get up.
We sometimes do this as it is just too cold to get out of bed all night! Like you say, she still wakes up but we stay warm! The thing is without husband to block her in she tries to escape and dive off the bed! I think we will have to invest in bigger bed!
You don’t need a bigger bed :)… just reposition your bed so one side (the one your husband sleeps at) is faceing the wall… We did this and it works.Your baby won’t have a chance to fall down or run away from the bed 😉 My husband sleeps with No.1 (she is 21months and still doesn’t sleep all night) in one room and I sleep with No.2 (3,5 months now) in our master room. It is the best solution. Only 1 year or so and I will be sleeping next to my husband again.. yupee!!! 😀 (Have to mention he snores really loudly from time to time)
Ha Good idea. Yes my husband often sleeps with the toddler when she is Ill. And yes I admit a break from the snoring is nice too. Occasionally the baby will go to sleep with both of us but sometimes she simply takes it as an invite to an all night pyjama party!
You could also get a bed guard for the side which stops them rolling off. I’ve co-slept for varying lengths of time with all 4 of my kids and the bed guard is great. I love this post, it was so funny, I had an almost identical experience with baby number 3! I was expecting to be “expert” by the third baby but she soon put me in may place LOL.
Ha yes I thought after dealing with my first extremely sleep hating baby by the second one I would be all over it! WE did everything differently this time… No running to her at the slightest grunt, not letting her fall asleep on us for hours on end, we were more relaxed as parents, no dummy… yet same result! Another sleep thief had arrived!!
Great idea! I will try a bed guard thanks!
Helen I have barely slept in our bed since number two was born. Wouldn’t mind having a decent night myself occasionally either.
Love your writing. We have three girls who each had their years of not sleeping. I went grey by 35!!! Would love you to write for my business blog? How do I contact you?
Rachel
Thanks Rachel! Three – now that is hardcore! I am on my way to the grey with two! Sounds interesting! I keep meaning to put an email address on here. I will email you my details!
3-hardcore try 5 at 33 lol my 2 year old was still messing around at half 1 this morning all 5 children have had no proper sleeping pattern and I can’t remember in the last 15yrs if all 5 have ever been asleep at the same time I have never had that ME time some parents claim to have lol but can’t complain wouldn’t change it for the world and would Love another I must be mental lol x
Wow five! How on earth do you do it. I bet looking back two must seem easy now! X
god i wish my hair went grey at 35 im 23 with 4 kids and im dying my hair so the grey doesnt show! im in awe of you x
Twenty years ago I was on child number 5 who was the spawn of the devil as far as sleep went. She woke every hour, on the hour. At a year, my husband started working away (I wonder why???) and I had to do something. So, not believing it would work, I tried the approach of completely ignoring her when she cried. The first night was gut wrenching as she howled and screamed but I stayed strong. The second night she howled for an hour but then slept til five. The third night, not a peep!! And she slept ‘like a baby’ from there on. Not saying it will work for all, but worth trying if you can keep your nerve. And, btw, my other four slept through the whole of the first nights noise which was my biggest worry about the technique! Good luck!
Thanks for the tip. Not sure it would work for mine though! If I leave her for even ten minutes she goes nuts and then, I suspect as revenge, she will not settle down for the ENTIRE night. Cheers! Always good to hear other people’s stories and to know it’s not just me!
The tough love approach defo worked for my 2 my 1 year old daughter started going in her cot awake a few months ago now and sleeps all night from 7:30 – 7 took 3 days for her to self soothe. And my son now 4 took a week before he stared sleeping through at 14 months I’m an great believer in it, I know come 8pm I can relax and have me time or time with hubby
Thanks. Glad yet found something that worked for you.
Thanks Leanne! That is great for six months. Good idea!.
yep, I agree. You need to get hard and just let them cry and howl. It takes 3 or 4 nights and then you’ve cracked it. Once you’ve checked they are ok on the first occasion they cry (just in case some disaster has actually happened) then I didnt go in again. She soon got the idea that crying wasnt going to get her anywhere. We rarely have a broken night now at 2 yrs old. Its tough though – but worth it!
Thanks! Glad you found something that worked for you! However, the cry it out route is not for us.
I thought what Helen.said wouldnt work either…. but it did. 1st night is the worst…. i dont care if they cry so much they puke (which my daughter did) the next night she cried for hour and a half…. then night 3 she went down easy. Why dont you try it? X
Thanks for the comment. I am really glad it worked for you. When you find something that works it is great. It is just the cry it out route is not right for us! But I know it is good for a lot of families. X
This is funny but I feel slightly bad laughing as at 33 I have had 5 proper lazy good sleeping children but have suffered insomnia for a good few yrs now so I do understand the not getting any sleep part but thank god for nytol as they work wonders , just a shame there not available for babies lol 🙂
Ha ha! Five sleepy ones! Lucky. But I feel your pain- I had insomnia with my first sleep hating baby so on the rare occasions she did sleep I was wide awake. Baby two doesn’t even give me chance for insomnia! Ha.
[…] HOW TO GET YOUR BABY TO GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP WHEN THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE ASLEEP. | Emily-Jane… Reply With Quote […]
i loved reading your post! me and my husband are going through same thing with baby number 3 if she wakes the other 2 wake up and they never go back to sleep and with having a new born as well are 3girls run rings round us at night time and its a killer but at least mine go back sleep within the hour. im just praying everyday they wouldnt wake up and just sleep through the night, once the 3girls wake they wake their brother up so it does take twice as long to go back sleep and by then its like 7clock in the morning and i give up so i get the biggest cup iv got fill it wiv coffee and the tv is on (but ya gotta have sky plus) i dont know how i get through the day with 4kids and hardly any sleep but i see their happy smiling faces and my sleep can wait.
i feel for all the sleep-deprived mothers out there xx
Oh my goodness Jennifer. How do you do it? You make my night time battle seem like a piece of cake. I know what you mean – one smile from them and all is forgotten…at least until bedtime!!
Oh how I loved reading this, it is so good to know I’m not alone in the world of a baby who NEVER EVER Sleeps! Very refreshing to hear. I am only on number one and wonder if I could ever survive with two? I was never a coffee drinker until my son was born and now boom, I can’t get enough of the stuff! Fab blog 😀 xxx
Ha yes I would not make it through the day without my morning coffee!
And thanks. I am always glad to hear there are other sleep thief victims out there!
Hi, I’ve been a full-time professional nanny for many years now. I’ve found that most sleeping issues are started because of poor “lay down” time. Try to lay your baby down 20 minutes earlier than you usually would. I also find that the afternoon nap is incredibly important for successful sleeping at night. I saw in an earlier comment you don’t use the cry out method (everyones personal choice.) I recommend reframing from picking her up or even touching her, this tends to make the initially more alert, and consistently more dependent on you coming in all of time. Instead, slowly wean her off the holding, by entering the room, NOT picking her up and lightly patting her chest, tummy, or back. Eventually, after a few nights of the above stop the touching all together and only lightly “shush” her or make other soothing sounds. Good luck! and I have a post on this issue, check it out!
Thanks baby nanny. Great post.
I had a non sleeper too and we tried EVERYTHING bar spending thousands on sleep clinic. She would wake every half an hour on average and take two half hour naps…unless we were out and about of course. We read lots on sleeping, as I’m sure most have, who have non sleepers. We were at our wits end! I’m from Texas and when she was 7 months I was heading over for a month and my husband was joining us for two weeks. My sister was all ready to help when we got there so we could get some sleep. I said we’d get over the jet lag and then go from there. Well the second night there, she slept and only woke up for her milk. Then to our surprise, she took two long naps. This went on and got better and better and she even dropped one of two night feeds. It was like heavenly bliss!! As I’ve spoken to others about non sleeping babies, I have come across parents that say the same thing, after a long-ish haul flight and tome change, their baby started sleeping. coincident….probably not. she’s three now and sleeps 12-13 hours a night and still takes naps!! I think it restarted her inner clock!! I say for sanity…give it a go!!
Ha ha love it! That is the best sleep tip I have heard ever! I think a holiday somewhere nice has now become a priority. Better start saving!
I wish the thought of them sleeping through by 2 years old was true! Mine is heading on for 3 years old and no sleep for me! We’ve tried crying it out, gentle training like no talking, just patting the bum (not picking up) etc. nothing works…..I think he’s trying to kill me with sleep deprivation!!!!!!
Oh no you poor thing. The toddler only started sleeping, mostly, at 2 because she was ready! She was also immune to training. Not sure about my second baby though she is even worse. I can’t even remember what it is like to go to bed and actually go to sleep!
Ha ha, I have just had the night from hell with my 2 year old and 8 month old and my 90 minutes sleep, and was beginning to wonder how I was going to survive today without having a coronary/section order placed on me. You’ve really lifted my spirits, your blog could have described my night. Glad to know I’m not the only one rubbish at babies at 4am!
Thanks Emily Jane x
Oh thanks-sorry for your lack of sleep of course, but so good to know it is not just me! X
I have a 2 year old who still does not sleep through, and i’ve just resigned myself to the fact he will be getting out of his bed and coming to my bed by 4am every night!! Anyone who say their baby/ toddler sleeps all night is a liar!
Yes get sleep whatever way you can I say! Ha I am starting to suspect the same thing!
Hi all,
My little one would not sleep for the first 15 months of her life and was also totally immune to sleep training. Eventually we figured out she had silent reflux and it was pain that was waking her up several times a night. Once started on Ranitidine and Gaviscon things finally got better and by 20 months was sleeping 11 hours a night. I think this condition is quite common but often not diagnosed. Am now expecting number two and desperately hoping he will sleep better than my daughter did! Good luck everyone.
Gosh there are more of us out there than I thought! Turns out everyone’s else’s babies don’t sleep! Good luck with baby two!
Fab read! Thank you Emily Jane. I am seriously impressed with how witty and well written you are when completely knackered! Our nights are very similar but we only have one little monster so hats off to you! Your piece made me laugh out loud and really cheered me up – thank you… And good luck tonight!!
Ha ha thanks Sam jam -well to be honest i do have to check it a billion times before I put it on here and then there are still sometimes typos I have to correct! Plus i find it quite therapeutic to write it all down! Good luck to you too! X
Loved your blogg. My first didn’t sleep through the night until two and a half then one night decided to sleep. The second is 13 months and has yet to sleep all night. We are having a really rough time with him waking up to ten times a night. I am exhausted. Due to lots of illness in his short little lwo spte stays in hospital and bad reflux its been very difficult to soothe him. Just hope things improve soon. Ith
Thanks! One day he will surprise you and sleep through. And he’ll sleep all the better for having had you to help him through his difficult times! X
Oh, how i needed to read this 15 months ago….would have saved me thinking im the only one.
My little one was breast-fed for 6,5 months and he did so every 2 hours night and day. And I didn’t have the heart to try to sleep train him..i just thought he is hungry..i can’t deprive my child of food..but by the time he was 10 months i was done, i was ready to try anything.
So went into a local children centre for a chit chat with other mummies and tried – the crying technique- but living in a flat, that just irritated the neighbours – seriously couldn’t deal with them.
So then i tried the weaning of the night milk technique…and surprise surprise that worked for us.
Basically just gave him water instead of milk at night…first night he was very unhappy and woke up i think every hour, but the next night he woke up less and the next even fewer times…and just gave up on trying and 4 nights later he slept thru..YEEEY
Shame that 3 months later he caught the norovirus and it threw his sleeping of the rails for next 1,5 months.
Well now him being 2 he is pretty good. Moans now and them (dreams) and 90% of the time it just needs to cover him up so he feels the touch and he’s of to a la la land.
Expecting number 2 in 3 months..so im preparing for this merry-go-round to start again.
so good to know that all the babies a pretty much the same and we all go thru this and come out even stronger the other side…we are just SuperMums
Ha super mums I like that.doesn’t always feel like it at 4am though! Yes i hoped the night feed weaning would help with my first. Turns out she wasn’t actually waking for breast but well, just to be awake! Good luck with baby number two! X
Haha, I love this. On particularly bad nights I got into the cot with my baby! He still woke loads but at least I didn’t have to get up. He refused to sleep in our bed.
I now have a 2.5 yr old & an almost 4 yr old – neither sleep through!
My advice. .. wait until they’re teenagers and never let them have a lie in…Ever! !
Ha the things we try for a bit of sleep!
Good plan!
My children are 7 and 8 now and have never been good sleepers. Even at 3 i was sending the oldest to nursery blurry eyed from frequent sleepless nights. As the younger one got older it got worse. By the time they were 3 and 4 we were up hours in the night as they’d wake each other and keep each other up. We had tried lots of different books, and websites for advice. We’d been to a sleep clinic too. We’d end up sleeping on the floor between them each night. Now at 7 and 8 they have had separate rooms for just over a year now and finally the 8 y/o sleeps through. The 7 y/o still wakes frequently but is old enough that as long as she’s not complaining of pain she goes back to bed with only a stern warning.
Oh my goodness! You poor thing. Makes my nights seem easy!
I went through everything you describe with my first. When it came to my second i thought – i am not doing that again, it will break me. So we co slept (following UNICEF’s guidelines for breastfed babies) from day one. And you know what, it’s worked. Yes, he still wakes up (at 20months) but I just feed him back to sleep. The fact I don’t have to get out of bed means I hardly wake. My husband sometimes sleeps with us, sometimes he doesn’t – depending on his shifts. Babies just want to be near their mummies – it’s an instinct for survival. Being next to mummy means they feel safe. Co-sleeping might not be for everyone but it has worked for me.
Co sleeping is great! And some babies seem to need that 24 hour closeness more than others. Mine included! On the nights it works I catch up on a bit of sleep as she may even go down for a whole two hours! But other times she just thinks it is all night party time. Party meaning pulling our hair, jumping on our heads and trying to crawl out of bed.
My mum sent me this after I called her in a sleep deprived moment of weepiness (is that a word? lol).
I truly believe some babies/toddlers just don’t like to sleep, hopefully as they get older and end up sharing a room they will either keep each other entertained all night while mommy and daddy sleep or they will get their snuggle needs from each other and sleep well. Wishful thinking I’m sure,but I’m hoping it will be my reward for the many sleepless nights I’m having now!
I AM SO GLAD SHE DID because I needed to read that I’m not alone. My 2 1/2 year old daughter did really well when we brought home our new daughter until about a week ago. All of a sudden, 11 weeks in she’s turned into the epitome of jealous first born. She was never a good sleeper but now it’s getting worse and baby girl isn’t much like my first born isn’t sleeping much at night either. It’s HARD and the mommy guilt of trying to meet both of their snuggle needs is no fun at all. CIO isn’t an option for us either, she’ll eventually cry herself to sleep but then ends up waking every couple hours in tears, so we aren’t getting any more sleep anyway. It’s easier to just sit with her for however many hours it takes for her to fall asleep peacefully
Glad it helped. Having two is definitely hard on the cuddle front. They are both ill right now and when daddy is at work I am being torn between the two! But I am thinking (hoping!) the same as you- one day they can entertain each other to sleep!
Owch, I feel for you! Mine are 5 and a half and 3 and a half and still want to be cuddled to sleep. Older one taught himself to sleep TTN when little one was a baby, which was incredible since she woke every hour screeching like a banshee and i had to walk her around OUTSIDE to get her back to sleep! Funnily enough I think she may have had worms and I didn’t realise, when I finally gave them both some medicine for it she started sleeping much better.
She still wakes up at least once a night yelling for me. I have given up n any kind of training, just lying down and getting comfy, at least you get a cuddle out of it. You might look back on this time and shudder but the cuddles are never something you regret. If you have the brainpower for it you can also try removing certain things from the diet and see if that sorts it out, sometimes there’s a subtle irritation from some additive, wheat, dairy etc. But most importantly just finding someone to look after them for a while so you can go and nap will probably do you all the most good. Best o’ luck to yer! xxxx
Thanks so much for your comments. Husband and I TRY and take turns for a nap on weekendS if we can.I guess you are right though, the extra cuddles are one benefit of non sleeping babies! X
(By the way that was one hell of a funny post!)
It’s been such a struggle with my twins. They are two and a half and they finally seem to be starting to sleep through. But I’ve had like 6 nervous breakdowns getting here. I can’t handle CIO. They puke. I love the people my children have become from getting loved so much. Maybe will be worth it in the long run. As long as I get some sleep now!
Twins! Wow hats off to you. One newborn is hard enough! Yes it is tiring keeping up with their all night partying but I look at my happy, confident 2.5 year old and know it.ll all be worth it!
As I lie in our bed at 2am with toddler asleep on one side having abandoned his bed hrs ago, and baby being weaned off night feeds with a bottle of water (it deludes me that I am winning!) on the other, your blog made me laugh out loud – just what a girl needed in the middle of another ‘ordinary’ night shift. Thank you!
Ah thanks for the comment! Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight. My night shift currently consists of sharing a bed with a snotty,snoring baby who has taken to only sleeping ON me and Daddy is in with the poorly toddler! X good night, good luck!
Loved your blog…..my little girl was a nightmare she used to b up 6 times a night but she’s 6months now n getting a little better, now she wakes uo 2 maybee 3 times at most n I just prop her bottle up turn her on her sido. She doesnt take alota lot offof milk during theethe day n when zhezhshe does its only 4oz sobut she does love food lol. . So iI dodon’t mind jumping up n propping her bottle up with a blanket, saves me having to get her out her cot etc. After her feed she goes back to sleep no bother… goodluck to all you other fab yummy mummys too…x
Thanks! Great idea! . x
That was an enjoyable read, though unfortunately at your expense! Sounds like you are a great mom… you manage to laugh and play and appreciate your girls when you haven’t had your 8 hours sleep. I am rubbish at enjoying life when I’m sleep deprived. I hope a restful night’s sleep is in your very near future.
Thanks! Oh god i don’t always enjoy life when I am really sleep deprived…there are good days and bad. After a particularly bad bout of sleepless nights we are forced to have a Thomas the Tank Engine/drink coffee (me) juice (kids) marathon! Which actually, the toddler is usually quite happy about!
Yay, we are not alone! Thanks so much for sharing this. I am the back-up plan when my wife has completely given up. The only technique that works for me is to pick the little monster up and trudge back and forth across the house with exaggerated steps until I estimate that she is asleep (usually about 5km of trudging). The sleep state is difficult to gauge and makes the transfer extremely nerve racking. Still loving it, thank God for cuteness.
Ha thanks for the comment! yes babies who do not sleep are a brilliant work out!
Thanks for your comment! Ha having a non sleeping baby is at least a brilliant work out! How do they know when you even think about sitting down!?
Thank you for making me (and my none sleeping baby girl) feel normal. Too many smug persons around me, with their wonderful sleepy babies. She’s now 13 months and I thought it was just me with a none sleeping child!
Ah no thank you. All the comments have made me realise that i am not alone. There are others out there with sleep thieves for babies!
Thanks for posting this. It made me laugh so much. I certainly recognised many of the behaviours of both baby & mum! So good to know I’m not alone:)
Thanks! Ah another sleep thief ‘victim’ out there. I am starting to think they are all in it together!
thanks for posting. All too true. We’ve just had number three and we’re a lot more relaxed about the sleeping thing, well everything for that matter. After number two I realised that they all go through similar phases. Whether it be sleeping, eating or playing, interacting with others. Whatever it is we just do our best to tune into our kids needs and apply boundaries when needed….
By number three you must have it all sussed out -maybe?! The first is definitely the hardest-I remember worrying she would never ever sleep! At least with number two, it is probably more tiring, but you know that it too will pass-I hope!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this spot-on blog! My wife works full time and I run a business from home, so I tend to deal with most of the nighttime issues that occur with our 20-month old boy – and boy is it hard work sometimes!
I do have a tip, however, that I find works about 50% of the time. It worked when my son was a baby and still works now. We have a Philips Avent monitor beside our bed, and when my son wakes up and starts chattering, if I’m quick enough, a few gentle ‘shushes’ down the monitor sends him straight back off to sleep.
This doesn’t always work, and if he’s in full-on crying mode I have no chance, but even if you can get it to work every now and again, it’s better than nothing! The best part is that you don’t have to get out of bed or even open your eyes!
I hope this is helpful to someone! Good luck and stay strong, people! x
Thanks Nick!
Tried the monitor thing, it worked once but never has since! Our baby is also a lot easier to settle back to sleep if we can get to her before she gets to full screaming mode. I left heR five ish minutes once while I went to the loo and she stayed awake all night in revenge! X
Ah, shame it only worked the once for you. Hopefully someone else reading this might have more joy.
For anyone who hasn’t tried it before, the trick is to shush REALLY quietly, otherwise it will distort and wake baby up more.
I know what you mean about the revenge thing! Mind you, we’re so selfish going to the loo occasionally, aren’t we? Who the hell do we think we are? 😉
Ha ha true. I had the cheek to put her down in her cot.while I blew my nose last night. She repaid me with a four hour wake fest!
I have 4 boys oldest is now 24 ! youngest is 6 months, my older boys all co slept till about 3/4 years ,Aways put them to bed at 8 with a baby monitor,night light ,I gave a late night feed top up before I went to sleep,this helped them sleep through till dawn unlless they where poorly, they have all grown up very independent waking up on time for school uni then work ,SO dont worry ,do whats easy for your family, and your baby knows if you are stressed or upset ,sometimes if they are too tired they will not sleep.Try bed time at 8 or 9 evenings every day.
Thanks for the tips! The problem is she won’t sleep unless I am in the bed (and then only if she is not messing about!). It has been so bad this week I have been going to bed with her at 730! But clearly this is not a good solution! X
[…] HOW TO GET YOUR BABY TO GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP WHEN THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE ASLEEP. | Emily-Jane… Sent from my GT-I8190N using Netmums mobile app Reply With Quote […]
Mine didn’t sleep she was over 2. She’d wake for a feed (45 mins) and then take another 45 mins (minimum) to settle. Then it would take me a while to fall asleep again, by which time she was ready for another feed. The sleep deprivation was bad, but the desperation was worse! Nowadays (she’s 9) she still sometimes wakes in the night — and is awake for over an hour — but mostly stays quietly in bed. It helped us both to know that before electricity, people routinely woke in the night for an hour or two. It’s stopped us thinking ‘it shouldn’t be like this!’ which only makes it all worse. It is what it is. If sleep training is not for you, it is not for you. It wasn’t for me, either, much as I wanted it to be.
Oh sounds familiar. yes it is not easy- especially if you are not the kind of person who can sleep as soon as your head hits the pillow! Even on a good night mine wakes every two hours which doesn’t leave much time for me to sleep in between.
My 2 nearly 3 year old takes his self to bed between 4:30 and 5 in the afternoon and wakes up sometime for a warm milk and sometimes he plays for an hour or so an sometimes he go back to sleep a wakes up between
6 and 8 am on a good day my 1 year old goes to bed at 5 and wakes up once for a bottle and sleeps then till 8 in the morning but my 6 year old will he go to bed an to sleep no and we have tried it all he finally goes off about 10 sometimes later and if we’re lucky earlier but the moon has to be made out of cheese for that to happen
ha brilliant! It makes you think that actually it is not our fault- if they are not sleepers they will not sleep no matter what you do!
I have just texted the link to this to my partner, who is sat at the end of our bed browsing his phone. He is (for what it’s worth) keeping me company as we sit in the dark and silence in fear of waking no.2 (currently dozing on my lap). Although I slightly regret the text as he is now stifling laughter and shaking the bed. Sums it up for me!
That sounds like us! Even though you sit in silence at least you are in it together! Mobile phones become valuable tool when you have a non sleeper.
my son was really weird, he was a perfect little sleeper until about a year old, had a perfect routine, 1 hours nap during the day, in bed at 8pm, awake at 8am. then i moved house and now seriously regret it. he’s almost 3 now, still up at 12.30am as im writing this, sleeps maybe 4 hours during the night if im lucky, ive tried co sleeping, which doesnt work if my partners in bed as i end up getting kicked out of bed, sleeping in his room, everything. my support worker is annoying, she keeps insisting im doing everything wrong, suggested i change his cot into a bed which i did 6 months ago, and thats made it even worse as now he can get out of bed and come cry at me. surprisingly over christmas i did manage to get some sleep, as i was looking after my sister in laws cat, who absolutly adores connor, and slept in his bed every night he was here, it was the only week he stayed in bed, but unfortunatly, i had to give the cat back, so now we are back to normal, with me getting about 3 hours sleep a night if im lucky, and my support worker telling me i look really tired and that she will get the health visitor to come out and talk to me about sleep training, which is everything ive heard before as she has nothing new to suggest that will help me.
That does sound annoying! Must have hit you hard after a year too! Could you get a cat? Or steal your sister in laws-bet your need is greater than hers!?
lol this is the thing, i have 3 cats of my own, but unfortunately they have grown up with him so are used to him chasing them around the front room and refuse to sleep with him. plus the cat is technically her 7 and 9 year old daughters, and they were heartbroken when my other half (their uncle) just joked that we were keeping her. and as much as i like sleep i dont want two little girls moving in with me just so i can have her cat
Ha yes that would be a little drastic! Good luck!
I like this guys method, ‘Operation Good Nights Sleep’. Kiss them good night, shut the door and get them out of bed at 7 or 8 the next morning.
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/pediatrician-advises-parents-sleep-training-children.html
Thanks for your comment but I am totally against anything like this. I would rather be totally exhausted for as long as it takes for my baby to feel secure enough to sleep without my help, than try this sort of method!
I agree that Sleep is for wimps! My 4 year old generally sneaks through to our beg at about 12.30 everynight to be followed by her 2 year old brother at sometime between 2 and 4am. To be honest at the moment it is easier than spending 30 minutes of every 90 putting them back in their own room.
I know what you mean. I can’t remember the last time we had the bed to ourselves for an entire night. But with two little ones to look after you definitely have to get a bit of sleep whatever way you can!
Omg, I am happy not to be in that place anymore! I did my 2 year sentence though (well, 3, as there are 2 kids and one overlapping year with even less sleep. Lucky my husband actually took turns with me with the nights; I think it was self protection ;)), so I can SOOOOO relate! Hang in there, the feel of having your creativity returning to you is worth looking forward to 🙂
Thanks, I am glad to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel. It must feel amazing to be getting sleep again!
I have 3 boys and yes like the rest of u hardly no what a full night sleep is or if they do sleep all night the think 3-4am is perfect wake up lets play time..glad im not alone out there..myself like the rest im sure have tried everything…hello to u emily
Always nice to hear from another ‘victim’!!
Yes us ‘victim’s’ are not alone!! If only there was a magic wand to make us all feel and look great..I wonder what it wmust feel like to have few hours to ur self in morning to make sure u look half decent. ..lol
Ha one day! Although I must confess these days I am not too bothered about what I look like these days. If manage to wash my hair it is a good day!
I cant believe that people actually ‘kiss them goodnight, close the door, and get them up at 7 or 8’ – wowsers! Being a parent doesnt stop at bedtime. It is scientifically proven that these types of distressing techniques actually cause lasting damage. I dont even know what to say about ‘I dont care if they puke (my daughter did)’ – poor babies!
I am with you Emma! No matter how desperate we are for sleep we would never go down this road.
Ur a mum day n night weather that be 8pm or 3am I put them bed and if they dont cry or shout for me I check when I go bed tuck them in eg ..and then go to bed to await thenext wake up call if I cud only drop off to sleep instead of it taking me hours and then I get hour before one of them want me..lol
I feel your pain- I am not as bad as I was with my first but still can’t get straight to sleep after seeing to the babies. I have various techniques I try to relax in between wakings. Mainly as hard as it is try NOT to worry about getting back to sleep. As soon as I panic about not getting enough sleep it is game over! I also used relaxation downloads from this guy. If nothing else his voice is enough to sooth you. http://glasgowspcmh.org.uk/self-help/sleep/ Hope that helps.
I find it incredibly sad how judgmental women are about each other’s childcare techniques. Just because I kiss my daughter goodnight, pop in to check on her covers before I go to bed then get her up at 7 (and have done since she was 1yrs old) does not make me someone who thinks that being a parent stops at bedtime. I find that pretty offensive. And regarding things being scientifically proven, you can find scientific evidence for pretty much anything these days – including the fact that according to some scientific papers, co-sleeping is dangerous (British Medical Journal). I used what you call “distressing” techniques with three nights of crying it out when she was about 3 months old. Since then my daughter has been a great sleeper and at 5 is still a good sleeper, happy, chirpy, independent, inquisitive, chatty and well adjusted – and that’s according to other mums and her teacher (not just me – her biaised mother). Maybe she was born a good sleeper (although she wasn’t until we did the sleep training) and we were just lucky, but regardless I would never insist my way was the right way. It was right for us and our child. I have no problem with people doing what they think is best regarding co-sleeping, picking their child up, rocking them, talking to them, feeding them etc I do have a problem with those people judging parents who have used techniques that work for them and by implication saying that they care for their children less and do not have their children’s best interests at heart.
I loved this article, Emily. As I read this, I felt like I could have written it (perhaps less eloquently than you did! haha)! It’s nice to know that someone else out there has felt/ is feeling what I’m feeling. I’ve been praying for 11 months that my little “sleep thief” will decide to sleep through the night. Someday we will sleep again!!! 😉
Thank you NikkI. Yes some nights it feels like it will never end but my 2.5 year old is living proof it does-eventually. It took her two flipping years though. Good luck!
Hi, I really feel for all you mums. I’m a mum of three and have been very lucky with all of them. A couple of suggestions for those who are soon to be mums again or for the first time. I always put my children to bed around the same time, and never waited for them to go to sleep first. I take them up , settle them , kiss them goodnight and shut the door. I’ve always had a baby alarm but for my youngest, she is nearly three now, we bought one of the camera alarms. Now, I thought it was a bit gimmicky and rather expensive, but soo good! You can check your baby is ok without disturbing them and opening the door. I think this helps as you can judge whether they need you to go in or not. We also, never tiptoe around, we go upstairs if we need too and flush the toilet which I’ve heard some parents say they daren’t do! Perhaps we’ve just been very fortunate, but perhaps these tips will help someone. Good luck to you all
Thanks for sharing! You are lucky- if mine is still awake, as soon as I think about putting her in the cot she screams blue murder! No matter how tired she is!
haha..this made me laugh..I was just nodding my head to all of what you just typed..I have 3 kids..6yr 4yr and an 8 month old..my middle girl didn’t sleep through till 18months old..and my 8 month old is a pain in the butt with sleep(or lack of)..to top it off..my partner lives in a different town so only here at weekends..and I also have a dog…a cat and a puppy(puppy is not toilet trained..ughh)…oh..and rabbits….to look after while sleep deprived…ughhh …I just keep telling myself….they’ll sleep soon….please!!! they have to sleep at some point!!…lol
Flipping hell you have your hands full! My life would probably be a holiday for you!
This was a good read. After having been by myself for 4,5 weeks with a 22 months old and a 2,5 months old I found myself wandering in the night from one bed to the other at least 4 times. How I got through these weeks I still don’t know. My Instagram community tells me I’m not the only one and in some weird way that helps. What doesn’t really help is the loving comment from parents with older kids saying ‘it’s amazing how much you can cope with’. Am sure they mean well but doesn’t sound half as ‘relating to’ without the bags under their eyes. Oh well… on the bright side… they’ve been there, done it and are still standing.
Thank you. I agree. sometimes the only thing that makes you feel better at 4am in the morning is the thought that somewhere out there someone is doing the same thing!
Oh my word, this is brilliant! Don’t know why other people going through the same makes me feel better…. But it does! Thanks 😉 I’ve got a 5, 2 and 1 year old and swear sometimes it’s like a circus in my house! 🙂
It definitely does help. I feel better from finding out from this it is not just my babies!
Oh I can imagine.- it is hectic enough in my house with just two children!
Hiws was ur night hun…feeling rather stressed this morning having a bad day lol