STEP 1 –BE PREPARED.
You think you know about babies, then you have a baby, and realise you know nothing about babies…This can be very stressful for new parents as you are usually both learning on the fly on very little sleep. So here are just a few of the things I have learnt that people do NOT tell you about babies. Continue reading
EXPECTING your first child is an exciting time (when I say an exciting time. Exciting for you and your partner – boring as hell for everyone else).
“We are going to be actual grown up parents,” you exclaim, waving around a urine-covered stick, “to a cute little baby!” Continue reading
ACCORDING to the experts, when you have children, regular date nights with your partner is key to a successful relationship.
Forget communication, mutual love and respect or not marrying a dick; apparently the secret to a happy and healthy relationship is to go on a date. At bloody night.
But according to me (expert on nothing) this is rubbish. Here is why: Continue reading
ANOTHER week, another celebrity is pictured ‘stepping out’ looking fabulous just three months/weeks/days/hours after giving birth…
I am never surprised by this ‘news’.
I am usually more surprised that, with a newborn baby to look after, they actually have the energy to ‘step out’ anywhere, let alone to make themselves look like anything other than crap. Continue reading
I HAVE done it in a restaurant. I have done it on the beach. I have done it on an aeroplane. In fact, I have got my boobs out in most public places. Continue reading
To my pre-pregnant self,
If you are reading this letter then time travel has been invented. This is good because it means I can travel back in time and punch you in the face. Continue reading
SOMETIMES I get to the end of the day and I know I have been busy. I am tired, I have forgotten to eat lunch, my back aches and I definitely haven’t sat down for more than a few minutes. Yet, I look around me. The washing up bowl is full of dirty dishes, there is a grubby baby sock on the kitchen sideboard, there are toys everywhere, and the baby is covered in this morning’s Weetabix. What have I actually been doing? Continue reading
AFTER wasting the best part of two and a half years trying sleep techniques, following advice and reading all the Get Your Baby To Sleep If You Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Read Another Boring Book on Getting Babies To Sleep books, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. Continue reading
WHEN you first have a baby your friends are great. They come to see you with bucket loads of cuddly toys and coo over your bundle of joy. They will offer to babysit ‘whenever you need a break’ and refer to themselves as Aunty/Uncle….
Enjoy this for about three weeks.
Then the honeymoon is well and truly over. Continue reading
I recently read that JK Rowling wrote the first Harry Potter book in a café while her baby slept next to her in a pram.
Well, I have a baby and a pram. I could do it too…couldn’t I? Continue reading
How To Survive A Sleep Thief 