WE walked to the beach singing, “Oh I do like to be beside the seaside.” The baby was smiling in her pram as the toddler skipped along beside her. She spotted the sea, grabbed her bucket and ran down to the shore laughing, while the baby looked on and smiled. I ran after my daughter in a designer tankini that had absolutely no nipple leak stains on it what so ever (cue Baywatch music) and joined her for a paddle. Continue reading
parenting
HOW TO SURVIVE WHEN YOUR BABY WILL NOT GO THE F**K TO SLEEP
After reading (probably) all of the lists of tips for sleep-deprived parents on the entire internet, (including Ten Ways To Tell You Are Sleep-Deprived – der, I am not getting any sleep?!) it seems that all I need to do to feel better is to eat nuts, do yoga and sleep when the baby sleeps.
Well, I have no time for yoga, my baby doesn’t sleep and the only nuts I consume are in an occasional Snickers bar – so I came up with my own list… Continue reading
How NOT To Get Your Baby To Go To Sleep
My first baby did not like to sleep.
My second baby does not like to sleep.
The first time around we tried everything.
The second time around we tried everything else.
Turns out everything and everything else do not work on my babies…
However, after spending the past three years trying to get babies to go to sleep and stay asleep when they do not want to be asleep, I have a pretty good idea of how not to do it. Continue reading
HOW TO ENTERTAIN BABIES AND TODDLERS WHILE LYING DOWN
WHEN you have a baby who will not go to sleep or stay asleep, there are some mornings you really do NOT want to get out of bed…
You know the mornings I mean.
The baby has kept you up all night and yet still wakes you up ridiculously early.
Smiling.
What a bloody cheek. Continue reading
How To Survive (And Not Get Killed By Your Partner) When You Have Babies…by James the Husband
STEP 1 –BE PREPARED.
You think you know about babies, then you have a baby, and realise you know nothing about babies…This can be very stressful for new parents as you are usually both learning on the fly on very little sleep. So here are just a few of the things I have learnt that people do NOT tell you about babies. Continue reading
HOW TO GET YOUR BABY TO GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP WHEN THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE ASLEEP.
AFTER wasting the best part of two and a half years trying sleep techniques, following advice and reading all the Get Your Baby To Sleep If You Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Read Another Boring Book on Getting Babies To Sleep books, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. Continue reading
HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND IRRITATE PEOPLE (WHEN YOU HAVE BABIES)
WHEN you first have a baby your friends are great. They come to see you with bucket loads of cuddly toys and coo over your bundle of joy. They will offer to babysit ‘whenever you need a break’ and refer to themselves as Aunty/Uncle….
Enjoy this for about three weeks.
Then the honeymoon is well and truly over. Continue reading
How NOT To Do A JK Rowling…
I recently read that JK Rowling wrote the first Harry Potter book in a café while her baby slept next to her in a pram.
Well, I have a baby and a pram. I could do it too…couldn’t I? Continue reading
CONFESSIONS OF A TIRED MOTHER
I have a confession to make.
I secretly hate parents of babies who sleep through the night.
Ok, maybe hate is a bit of a strong word. I don’t actually hate them; it is more that sometimes I want to punch them in the face. I am aware this is wrong and I apologise to all my friends with sleepy babies.
It is simply a result of exhausted irritation and just plain jealousy. Continue reading
How To Survive A Sleep Thief 