sleep thief

Baby-Trapped: Edition #1

Emily-Jane 2 Comments

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Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your kid won’t go the f*ck to sleep…

It has been a while since the last post because well, Christmas. No one warned me that the festive season gets TEN TIMES BUSIER once you have a child at school. Seriously.. Nativity, fayres, fetes, carol concerts, parties, trips, I HAD TO DECORATE A BLOODY JAR FOR GOD’S SAKE. Anyway, excuses over.  Here is some stuff for those of you who are under a baby, feeding a baby or just too DAMN TIRED to do anything other than dick about on your phone.

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How To Really And Truly Get Your Baby To Sleep Through The Night

Emily-Jane 54 Comments

HAVE you almost passed out doing Pantley or cried yourself out following Ford?

Are you too damn tired to try another stupid ‘revolutionary’ sleep technique that probably won’t work any way? Then help is at hand!

The Institute of Actual Real Life People With Babies has come up with an effort-free guide especially for the extremely exhausted parent.

G.O.T.O.S.L.E.E.P a pioneering method featured in my new book Sleep is for the Weak– is the only no-stress method that actually guarantees to get ANY baby to sleep through the night…eventually. Continue reading →

26 lies tired parents tell

Emily-Jane 21 Comments

baby won't sleepI have a confession to make.

Since having babies I have become a big fat liar.

I am not proud of myself, but sometimes lying (and coffee, so much coffee) is the only way to survive  The truth would simply hurt too much (or make you look like a miserable twat) so telling the odd fib is a necessary evil.

If you are a tired parent, then here are a few untruths that you might recognise (or maybe I am  just a miserable twat): Continue reading →

Why I am glad my baby did not sleep

Emily-Jane 30 Comments

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My firstborn started school in September.

I am now a proper grown-up parent with a schoolchild. I have  to get everyone up, dressed and somewhere on time, in clean uncreased clothes, every morning. There will soon be homework, phonics, forms and parents evenings.

I have to kiss my four-year-old daughter goodbye FIVE days a week, and send her off to face new challenges and situations, without me. Continue reading →

How to pick up women when you have babies

Emily-Jane 2 Comments

sleep deprived mum friendsMotherhood can be lonely, but if you are sleep-deprived, it is a bit of a Catch 22.

You crave adult company but at the same time you are too bloody tired for adult company.

Some days talking to anyone over the age of two seems like way too much effort. But on other days you would quite like a moan, a laugh and a chat (ideally over wine) with someone who gets it.

But it is hard to make friends when you are always exhausted. It becomes difficult just to hold a conversation. It impairs your mental filter, tramples over your inhibitions and makes it hard to concentrate on what is being said.

So unfortunately, sleep-deprived parents are not much of a catch but fear not – there is hope for the perfect ‘Mumance’.  Continue reading →

The Baby Who Did NOT Want To Fall Asleep

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Best selling book The Rabbit Who Wants To Fall Asleep promises to get children to sleep in MINUTES… After reading it to my children I was inspired to write my own bed time story for the little ones who do NOT want to fall asleep…

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ONCE upon a time there was a baby girl who did not want to fall asleep.

She would much rather stay up all night having fun, playing and laughing than to …fall asleep (shush now darling, let mummy read the nice story).

Her tired parents would embark on the same routine at the same time every single night in order to get her to fall asleep (stop hitting me in the face). Continue reading →

BABY TRAPPED: Love, laughs and why experts are dummies…

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Words and stuff along with my favourite laughs from the hilarious Surviving A Sleep Thief Facebook community!

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NEWS AND READS FOR THE NIGHT FEED (OR WHENEVER)…

What I have been banging on about this week…

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MY STORY OVER AT EVE

How I met the love of my life…

I remember the first time I saw you. From the moment I set eyes on you across a crowded store I knew I had to have you. Continue reading →

How To Get Your Baby To Sleep Through The Night (In Just TWO Years).

Emily-Jane 225 Comments

sleep train

Spend the first six months of parenthood in your pyjamas trying to get your baby to sleep, trying to get some sleep and trying to get stuff done on barely any sleep.

Establish a good bedtime routine. This is key to everything. Babies like to know exactly what to expect. So that they can do the exact opposite.

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