Some refreshingly different ways to get your baby to go the f**k to sleep

TRYING to get a baby to fall asleep is a frustration that every parent will face at some point. And while some children drift off to dreamland fairly easily, others, however, just do not.

Neither of my babies liked to go to sleep. Some nights it could take anything up to four hours to get them to doze off, so I spent a lot of  time desperately browsing the Internet for The Answer.  As a result, I tried a lot of weird and wonderful techniques. Here are a few ways I tried and failed to get my babies to go the f**K to sleep:

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SLEEP-TRAINING FOR GROWN UPS

The Internet is awash with ‘research’ that shows sleep training is bad for our babies. However, there is also an abundance of ‘research; suggesting that NOT sleep training is bad for our babies. (The research is usually taken from studies of 4 babies, 2 kangaroo cubs and a tadpole so it is almost always definitely accurate). So when it comes to baby sleep, what bullshit advice are we supposed to follow? Continue reading

Baby-Trapped: Edition #4

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Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your baby won’t go the f*ck to sleep…

So half term is OVER which mean I get to moan about the school run again. Roll on tomorrow’s Stressfest that is getting a 4-year-old and toddler up, dressed and out of the door before 9am. I am planning on trying a few new excuses for being late this term:

Reason for lateness: I gave my daughter the pink bowl

Reason for lateness: Toddlers are arseholes

Reason for lateness: I was messing around on Facebook and didn’t realise the time Continue reading

How to Survive the Expert Advice When Your Baby Won’t Sleep

expert‘SIXTEEN hours they say she needs! What are we doing wrong?’ I yell at my husband, who rolls over sleepily to join me for our regular nightly debate.

‘Is she hungry? Is she teething? Is she eating her teeth? She falls fast asleep on me but as soon as I even think about putting her in the cot she wakes up screaming!’

‘Do you check her limbs are limp?’ He enquired. Continue reading

12 techniques that will NOT get your baby to sleep

bw-babyMy first baby did not like to sleep.

My second baby does not like to sleep.

The first time around we tried everything.

The second time around we tried everything else.

Turns out everything and everything else do not work on my babies…

However, after spending YEARS trying to get babies to go to sleep and stay asleep when they do not want to be asleep, I have a pretty good idea of how not to do it. Continue reading

WHY NOTHING IS WHAT YOU EXPECTED WHEN YOU WERE EXPECTING (BECAUSE EVERYBODY LIES)

20130430_180644WHY is it when you have a baby everyone starts lying to you?

Some lie to make you feel better (health visitors, netmums, well-meaning friends) and some lie to make you feel worse (health visitors, netmums, not so well-meaning friends).

Of course, I only found this out two babies later.  From the moment I arrived home with my first born I made the mistake of believing that everything people told me about babies was TRUE! Continue reading