How to ‘sell’ breastfeeding without being a tit

IMG_20131005_143714 (1)Breast milk is really good stuff. We know this.

We have seen the campaigns, read the research and studied the NHS literature we have shoved down our throats from the moment we fall pregnant.

When I was expecting my first child, I was told that breastfeeding is ‘a convenient way to provide you and your baby with a multitude of health benefits.’

To be honest, they had me at ‘convenient’.. Continue reading

The Wonder (What The Hell You Are Doing) Weeks  

wonder weekslogoSince having a baby do you occasionally feel tearful and a bit sweary? Are you sometimes a bit of a dick for no apparent reason?

Then you are probably experiencing a Mental Leap in your parental development.

Thanks to new research by The Institute of Real Life People With Actual Babies, we are now able to predict exactly when sleep-deprived parents can expect to go through these ‘fussy’ phases. Continue reading

How To Really And Truly Get Your Baby To Sleep Through The Night

HAVE you almost passed out doing Pantley or cried yourself out following Ford?

Are you too damn tired to try another stupid ‘revolutionary’ sleep technique that probably won’t work any way? Then help is at hand!

The Institute of Actual Real Life People With Babies has come up with an effort-free guide especially for the extremely exhausted parent.

G.O.T.O.S.L.E.E.P a pioneering method featured in my new book Sleep is for the Weak– is the only no-stress method that actually guarantees to get ANY baby to sleep through the night…eventually. Continue reading

26 lies tired parents tell

baby won't sleepI have a confession to make.

Since having babies I have become a big fat liar.

I am not proud of myself, but sometimes lying (and coffee, so much coffee) is the only way to survive  The truth would simply hurt too much (or make you look like a miserable twat) so telling the odd fib is a necessary evil.

If you are a tired parent, then here are a few untruths that you might recognise (or maybe I am  just a miserable twat): Continue reading

BABY TRAPPED: Love, laughs and why experts are dummies…

snooze logo

Words and stuff along with my favourite laughs from the hilarious Surviving A Sleep Thief Facebook community!

 To join us Subscribe here 

NEWS AND READS FOR THE NIGHT FEED (OR WHENEVER)…

What I have been banging on about this week…

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MY STORY OVER AT EVE

How I met the love of my life…

I remember the first time I saw you. From the moment I set eyes on you across a crowded store I knew I had to have you. Continue reading

19 dirty secrets of a sleep-deprived parent

I used to have a clean house, clean clothes and clean hair.

Then I had children.

My standards gradually slipped lower and lower and before I knew it,  I was eating the remains of a rice cake off the floor to avoid having to walk to the bin.

Not because I am lazy; but because some days, I am just too tired to care.

Here are a few dirty secrets that only a really tired parent will understand:

When I am vacuuming, I will stamp on an old biscuit to make it fit up the hoover pipe instead of picking it up.

I have thrown away dirty saucepans because I can’t face scrubbing them.

I have told my kids the DVD player is broken so I don’t have to put one on for them. If it is not on the Sky planner, they are not watching it.

I have put the same wash on six times because I am too tired to hang it out.

I have thrown out baby clothes after a nappy leak rather than clean them.

I have watched the ‘no signal’ sign bobbing about the screen for hours because I can’t reach the remote control.

I have also watched the blue screen on the CBeebies channel at night for the same reason.

I have taken alternate bites of bread and cheese because making a sandwich is too much effort.

I wear the same pair of socks for at least three days to avoid more laundry.

I like to watch something dirty on the TV

If a child wees on the settee I sometimes just throw a towel over it until it dries.

I never wash my bras.

I will tell my partner I am popping out for milk then sit in the car park outside the supermarket for half an hour enjoying the peace.

I only wash the bed sheets when someone pukes or pisses on them.

I will spend half an hour rearranging the dishwasher so I don’t have to wash up the one cup that won’t fit.

I never answer the phone because conversations are way too much effort.

I use my bag for life to keep carrier bags in which kid of defeats the object.

My TV is permanently covered in dirty handprints.

I will use any suitable substitute I can find when I run out of toilet roll to avoid a trip to the shop. Kitchen roll, baby wipes, the cardboard inner tube, sanitary towels or cotton wool.

I only properly tidy up the house when I have people coming to visit.

Do you have any dirty secrets to share? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook or Twitter.


THE BOOK

Check out my new book that contains no baby sleep advice whatsoever…

Just lots of laughs and tips on surviving the sleepless nights . It covers everything from from Postnatal Illness and how to avoid killing your partner when you have babies and how to really and truly get your baby to sleep (eventually).

Sleep Is For The Weak: How To Survive When Your Baby Won’t Go The FzZk To Sleep at book shops or on Amazon now!! Also on Kindle.

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