A Baby’s Guide To Dealing With Arseholes

(Picture: Getty)

 A BABY’S GUIDE TO BABIES (BECAUSE PARENTS ARE IDIOTS)

LESSON 3: How to visit a new baby without being an arsehole

Did you know that moving house is considered one of life’s most stressful events?

So imagine not only moving house, but moving entire universes. Because that my friends, is how it feels when new babies relocate from Inside A Woman to Outside A Woman. It’s a BIG deal.

Seriously, it is crazy on the outside! Every single thing we see is new and strange. I once just stared at a cushion for three hours. THREE HOURS spent just trying to work out what the hell it’s game was!

Have you ever wondered why babies sometimes cry a lot for no apparent reason? It’s because we are living in a state of continuous mind-fuckery ( I believe the grown ups call this ‘colic’).

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SURVIVOR STORY: How not to say it with flowers

Me in first weekOur latest Sleep Thief Survivor Steph Douglas is mother to toddlers Buster (4) and Mabel (2).

She was inspired to set up her unique business after she received countless bunches of flowers following the birth of her eldest child, Buster.

However, she found she lacked the energy (or vases) to care for anything other than her newborn! As a result, the 34-year-old launched Don’t Buy Her Flowers which offers thoughtful care packages for new mums.
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9 ways not to annoy a new mum

wombjuice

YOU have just pushed a small human out of you, you haven’t slept in days, you are sore, your boobs hurt and your hormones are all over the place.

Yet, people feel this would be a good time to come and visit you and your new baby.

No, people it is not. Continue reading