TRYING to get a baby to fall asleep is a frustration that every parent will face at some point. And while some children drift off to dreamland fairly easily, others, however, just do not.
Neither of my babies liked to go to sleep. Some nights it could take anything up to four hours to get them to doze off, so I spent a lot of time desperately browsing the Internet for The Answer. As a result, I tried a lot of weird and wonderful techniques. Here are a few ways I tried and failed to get my babies to go the f**K to sleep:
‘I can’t do this any more,’ I tell myself as I stare at the knife.
I wipe the sweat from my brow and fight back the tears. There isn’t much time. I need to do this now. I hear them approaching me from behind.
‘Please’ I beg. ‘Please leave me alone. Don’t do this.’
Someone grabs at my legs while someone else attacks me with a small blunt object.
I pick up the knife. Continue reading
Have you forgotten what it is like to sleep for an entire night?
Do you hate 4am? Why do babies often refuse to go back to sleep at 4am?
Do you regularly Google ‘can you die from lack of sleep?’ ‘Why the hell is my baby still awake?’ or ‘why won’t my baby stay asleep?’ Continue reading
Since becoming a mother I have made my fair share of silly mistakes.
But never before had the stakes been so high…
I grabbed my two-year-old daughter and headed for the exit of the busy supermarket.
She screamed in objection to the sudden urgency, but I needed to get out of there. Time was running out. Continue reading
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NEWS AND READS FOR THE NIGHT FEED (OR WHENEVER)…
What I have been banging on about this week…
MY STORY OVER AT EVE
How I met the love of my life…
I remember the first time I saw you. From the moment I set eyes on you across a crowded store I knew I had to have you. Continue reading
WHEN you have a baby who will not go to sleep or stay asleep, there are some mornings you really do NOT want to get out of bed…
You know the mornings I mean.
The baby has kept you up all night and yet still wakes you up ridiculously early.
What a bloody cheek. Continue reading
When you have babies going out in the evening becomes a rare occurrence.
You are either too tired, too skint or you can’t find anyone to watch the kids. Continue reading
WE walked to the beach singing, “Oh I do like to be beside the seaside.” The baby was smiling in her pram as the toddler skipped along beside her. She spotted the sea, grabbed her bucket and ran down to the shore laughing…
I ran after my daughter in a designer tankini that had absolutely no nipple leak stains on it whatsoever (you could practically hear the Baywatch music) and joined her for a paddle.
The baby giggled as daddy dipped her tiny toes in the water. We looked just like a family out of a holiday brochure, we were that bloody happy….Oh no.. my mistake, that wasn’t us… Continue reading
WHEN you first have a baby your friends are great. They come to see you with bucket loads of cuddly toys and coo over your bundle of joy. They will offer to babysit ‘whenever you need a break’ and refer to themselves as Aunty/Uncle….
Enjoy this for about three weeks.
Then the honeymoon is well and truly over. Continue reading