Babies wake up at night. This is a fact. But as they can only communicate with cries, giggles or gurgles, the tricky bit is working out why.
As we stagger towards our screaming bundles of joy for the fuckteenth time, we desperately try to figure out what is wrong.
Are they teething, hungry, do they have wind or are they just messing with us?
Have you forgotten what it is like to sleep for an entire night? Do you regularly Google ‘can you die from lack of sleep?’
Then this may your life now…
1) You have a panic attack if you have to leave the house after 8pm.
2) You have a panic attack if you have to leave the house before 8am. Continue reading
Since having a baby do you occasionally feel tearful and a bit sweary? Are you sometimes a bit of a dick for no apparent reason?
Then you are probably experiencing a Mental Leap in your parental development.
Thanks to new research by The Institute of Real Life People With Actual Babies, we are now able to predict exactly when sleep-deprived parents can expect to go through these ‘fussy’ phases. Continue reading
HAVE you almost passed out doing Pantley or cried yourself out following Ford?
Are you too damn tired to try another stupid ‘revolutionary’ sleep technique that probably won’t work any way? Then help is at hand!
The Institute of Actual Real Life People With Babies has come up with an effort-free guide especially for the extremely exhausted parent.
G.O.T.O.S.L.E.E.P a pioneering method featured in my new book Sleep is for the Weak– is the only no-stress method that actually guarantees to get ANY baby to sleep through the night…eventually. Continue reading
Having a baby that will NOT go to sleep or stay asleep is hard work.
They don’t sleep, so you don’t sleep and, before you know it, your house is a mess, you look a mess and your mind is fast becoming a mess.
Especially at bloody 4am. When you have been up all night. Continue reading
‘SIXTEEN hours they say she needs! What are we doing wrong?’ I yell at my husband, who rolls over sleepily to join me for our regular nightly debate.
‘Is she hungry? Is she teething? Is she eating her teeth? She falls fast asleep on me but as soon as I even think about putting her in the cot she wakes up screaming!’
‘Do you check her limbs are limp?’ He enquired. Continue reading
WHY is it that when you have a baby who does not sleep everyone else you meet seems to have a baby who does sleep?
Don’t get me wrong. I think it is great. I am honestly happy for these people.
I don’t even mind when they tell me about it.
Which they do.
Every time I see them. Continue reading
When I came home from hospital with my first baby I became obsessed with everything being ‘normal.’ Is what my baby doing normal? Am I normal? Is this normal, is that normal?
I did everything I could to check that my newborn was progressing normally. I studied developmental charts in the What To Expect books and signed up for those monthly ‘Why The Hell Is My Baby Not Doing This Yet?’ emails that list all the things your little one really should be doing by now.
If you are a brand-new parent, a quick word of advice… Continue reading
It finally happened.
The baby slept through the night for the FIRST time ever.
For eight hours straight, I did not have to get up and feed, change, or cuddle a baby.
I did not have to make a drink, find a dummy, sing, shush, walk, rock or explain to anyone that it was SLEEP time. Continue reading
My eyes are bloodshot and my head is throbbing. There is sick in my hair and my throat is sore from singing half the night.
I swear that this is the last time.
I promise myself I will do something about it.
But myself has heard it all before.
And she knows I am full of shit.
