Does your baby wake up the moment you even think about transferring her to a cot? Or does she totally lose her shit if you put her down drowsy but awake?
Then this is the method for you.
Following new research that 99% of babies believe that self-soothing is bollocks, The Institute of Real Life People with Actual Babies has launched a comprehensive guide to putting a sleeping infant into a cot.
Have you forgotten what it is like to sleep for an entire night? Do you regularly Google ‘can you die from lack of sleep?’
Then this may your life now…
1) You have a panic attack if you have to leave the house after 8pm.
2) You have a panic attack if you have to leave the house before 8am. Continue reading
Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your baby won’t go the f*ck to sleep…
So, on Friday I had to walk through Waitrose with a handful of toddler sick. That pretty much sums up my week. Thankfully, I had already drank my free coffee because I am not sure what their policy is on free hot drinks for customers who leave a trail of vomit across the shop floor. I AM LIVING THE DREAM, PEOPLE.
Anyway, here is some stuff for those of you who are under a baby, feeding a baby or just too DAMN TIRED to do anything other than dick about on your phone. Continue reading
Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your kid won’t go the f*ck to sleep…
It has been a while since the last post because well, Christmas. No one warned me that the festive season gets TEN TIMES BUSIER once you have a child at school. Seriously.. Nativity, fayres, fetes, carol concerts, parties, trips, I HAD TO DECORATE A BLOODY JAR FOR GOD’S SAKE. Anyway, excuses over. Here is some stuff for those of you who are under a baby, feeding a baby or just too DAMN TIRED to do anything other than dick about on your phone.
IT is Christmas Eve. All I want to do is to go to bed and sleep all day but I have two small children and Things To Do. I hate Things To Do.
‘I’ll get up, get dressed and get organised, I thought as i forced myself out of bed this morning. ‘I’ll write a list! A THINGS TO DO LIST. And I shall do all the things.’
Do you hate bedtime? Does it consistently make you miserable? Do you routinely spend most of the night in a dark room with a baby?
Have you been consistently routining your arse off since day ONE, yet your baby STILL won’t sleep?
Then this seven-step method is for you. Continue reading
‘SIXTEEN hours they say she needs! What are we doing wrong?’ I yell at my husband, who rolls over sleepily to join me for our regular nightly debate.
‘Is she hungry? Is she teething? Is she eating her teeth? She falls fast asleep on me but as soon as I even think about putting her in the cot she wakes up screaming!’
‘Do you check her limbs are limp?’ He enquired. Continue reading
Why is it that when you have a baby who does not sleep everyone else you meet seems to have a baby who does sleep?
Don’t get me wrong. I think it is great. I am honestly happy for these people.
I don’t even mind when they tell me about it.
Which they do.
Every time I see them. Continue reading
After almost three years of very little sleep I have gone beyond tired.
In fact, some days I don’t even feel sleepy any more.
So I think I am ok.
“I feel fine,” I smile to myself sipping on my super strong coffee. “Today I am going to Get Stuff Done.”
And it is on these days I decide to leave the house.
Big mistake. Continue reading
To my pre-pregnant self (the idiot who thought she had it all figured out),
If you are reading this letter then time travel has been invented. Good, because now I can come back in time and punch you in the face. Continue reading