How it really feels when you are too tired for biscuits

plate-of-biscuitsRemember before you had children when you and your partner used to have ‘biscuits’?

Really good biscuits that you could eat whenever and wherever you liked – in bed, on the sofa or even in the bath.

You would try all sorts of biscuits together; sometimes you would enjoy the comfort of a digestive, other times you would eat a whole packet of Hob Nobs just because you COULD.

Then you have babies and you struggle to find the time or energy to have any biscuits at all. You start to worry;

“What if we go off biscuits forever?’

“Are all the other parents having biscuits?”

“Will my partner eat biscuits with someone else? Someone with more energy and a whole tin full of home-baked cookies?”  

“What if we NEVER EVER get to eat biscuits together again?” Continue reading

How NOT to be a dick on the Internet (when you are a parent)

dontbeadickThe Internet is great for parents. Not only can you find information on ALL THE STUFF, there are an abundance of chat forums, Facebook groups and websites where you might just find your ‘virtual village’.

However, there are a few people who just have to ruin it for everyone…

The Dicks.

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33 signs you are still in love with your partner

man-and-woman-laid-in-a-white-bedYou meet. You fall in love. You get married. Your life is all love, laughter and romance…

Then you have kids and SHIT GETS REAL. Candlelit dinners and nights of passion take a back seat and you ask yourselves ‘Are we still madly in love with each other?

 

Here are a few signs that you are so totally in love (and you definitely do not need to read an Internet list for confirmation): 

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The Holiday Bedtime Diaries

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We just got back home after a family ‘holiday’ in Devon. It will come as no surprise to you all that bedtime away from home is even more of a challenge than bedtime at home. But the husband and I have been burnt before. We learnt the hard way that there is no point worrying about sleep on holiday so we were prepared to bugger up our bedtime routine in order to make our week less stressful.

I kept a little diary of our progress…. Continue reading

This may be the last time to cherish every moment because they grow up so fast

cherishI have a confession to make.

When I was a new mum I did NOT cherish every moment with my baby. In fact, I actually wanted to punch most of the moments in the face. My life consisted of trying to get my daughter to sleep, trying to get some sleep and stumbling around the house like a zombie not cherishing anything at all BECAUSE I WAS TOO BLOODY TIRED. Continue reading

This is why I should not watch the news

20160702_133131I was sat at my desk trying to write funny words for money when I heard the news…

‘Terrorist drives through crowds celebrating Bastille Day in Nice. Lorry speeds for 2km, killing 84 people – including 10 children. Witnesses say driver zigzagged to kill as many victims as possible…’

I listened to the rest of the story with tears in my eyes. Continue reading

Baby-Trapped: 9 ways to pass the time: Edition #5

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Welcome to Baby-Trapped: Some things to entertain, inspire and pass the time when your baby won’t go the f*ck to sleep…

1) The Good news

Today is a big day. Tomorrow morning I will wake up to a new era.  After months and months of thinking about it and stressing about it, I made my decision and went for it…. Continue reading

How much sleep does a baby really need? Real Life People With Actual Babies reveal the answer

how much sleep should my baby get?

According to the latest set of pointless infant sleep guidelines by another Academy Of Expert Twats Who Have No Idea How Human Babies Actually Work,

‘Sleeping fewer than the recommended hours is associated with attention, behaviour and learning problems. Insufficient sleep also increases the risk of accidents, injuries, hypertension, obesity, diabetes and depression.’

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The pointless sleep advice parents are sick of hearing

The Institute Of Real Life People With Actual BabiesThanks to the Internet we now have parenting tips available to us 24 hours a day!

While we might occasionally stumble across some helpful advice, most of it is either totally useless or appears to assume that parents are idiots.

One area in which there is an abundance of guidance from ‘experts’ is how to get a baby to sleep.

For example:

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