On the night before Christmas, so it is said,
That children should be nestled snug in their beds.
They should not be asking, ‘one more lullaby?’
Or secretly stealing another mince pie.
On the night before Christmas, so we are told
That children will all be as good as gold.
For fear that if they mess about,
That Santa Claus would find out!
But on the night before Christmas day,
In our house, things don’t go this way
The children say they ‘can’t go to bed,’
‘Cos sugarplums are dancing in their head?!
(What sugarplums are they’ve no idea
They read about them in a book last year).
On the night before Christmas, no one’s asleep
Despite stories, lullabies and counting sheep
Daddy is worrying the turkey’s too small
And whether he should have bought sprouts, after all
I am trying to hang up the stockings with care
While daddy shouts, ’no, left a bit, right a bit more…THERE!’
On the night before Christmas, I lie in bed
The Mr Tumble theme tune stuck in my head.
When all I once I heard such a clatter,
I ran into the hall to see what was the matter.
“MUMMY, HAS SANTA CLAUS BEEN YET?
Is it too late to ask him for a pet?
Does he do dogs? Or perhaps a cat?
Can you call him now and ask him that?”
On the night before Christmas, kids back in bed
I finally lay down my heavy head.
When all at once I heard an almighty crash
So out of my bedroom I flew like a flash.
“FOR F**KS SAKE,” I whisper. “What. Is. Wrong?”
“MUMMY, mummy my drink is all gone!
Can I please have a biscuit too?
Also, I think I really need a POO!”
On the night before Christmas, I need some sleep!
Back into my bed I wearily creep,
Then just as my tired eyes start to close
Out on the lawn a loud noise arose.
“What now”’ I cry and to the window I dash
I open the curtain and throw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear?
Actual Father Christmas and his reindeer!
On the night before Christmas, I saw St Nick!
Or is my sleepy mind playing a trick?
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
He whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Excuse me,” I yelled at the man in red.
“I have just got my children back in bed,
I know you have to deliver all those toys
But do really have to make so much noise?”
On the night before Christmas, I could not sleep
So down the stairs I decided to creep,
I sneaked down the hall and turned around
And there was Santa not making a sound!
Tarnished in soot, and far from neat
(I really hope he has wiped his feet)
His cheeks glowed as he put down his sack
“Oh dear me,’ he groaned. “My poor old back!”
On the night before Christmas, I watched in glee
As Santa Claus put presents under the tree
“Excuse me,” I call over to the jolly old elf,
“Could I please get a photo of you and myself?”
A quick selfie later Santa nodded his head.
And I knew it was time to go back to bed.
Up the chimney he rose, than sprang to his sleigh
Where his reindeers were ready to fly him away.
Then I heard him whisper as he flew out of sight
“Happy Christmas to you, may you sleep well tonight!”
Thank you all so much for reading! I wish you all a brilliant Christmas. May your sleep not be stolen and your shit not be lost!
If you want to read more about sleep and babies then check out my guide to sleep training or find out how to really and truly get your baby to sleep here. Feel free to join me and other tired parents on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. You can also subscribe for more useless information like this using the form below.
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