You meet. You fall in love. You get married. Your life is all love, laughter and romance…
Then you have kids and SHIT GETS REAL. Candlelit dinners and nights of passion take a back seat and you ask yourselves ‘Are we still madly in love with each other?
Here are a few signs that you are so totally in love (and you definitely do not need to read an Internet list for confirmation):
1)They wash up every night because they know that you have been juggling work, kids, housework, laundry and cooking dinner so being faced with a sink full of dirty dishes at the end of the day IS LIKE A METAPHORICAL PUNCH IN THE FACE.
2) They know that just because you don’t always wash up when it is your turn it does not make you a bad person.
3) They will change a nappy when it is not their turn because they know that you have changed 652 nappies already (not that you keep count).
4) They never exaggerate how many nappies they change per day to make you feel guilty.
6) They never say, ‘Have you got PMT?” when you are a bit grumpy (even though you do have PMT but that does not make the fact that DIRTY CLOTHES GO IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET ANY LESS TRUE).
7) They never say they ‘I HAVE NOT GOT PMT!’ when they are clearly have and that is probably why they are losing their shit about some dirty clothes.
8) They always put their plates in the dishwasher and never just on the side right next to the dishwasher for you to do later because you TOTALLY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO.
9) They totally get that when you put plates next to the dishwasher it means you’ll put them away later…or tomorrow. They certainly never then go and load the dishwasher extra loudly in a passive aggressive way, SIX seconds after dinner.
10) They never critiscise your driving.
11). They never hold on tightly to their seat when you are driving as a way of showing you that they think you are a bad driver.
12) They never say they are tired in your presence – especially when they know you have been up with the baby all night.
13) When you tell them you are tired they do not always take it to mean you are implying that you are more tired than they are.
14) They never buy you flowers because they know that dealing with fresh flowers would be another thing for you to do.
15) They never moan when you buy them flowers because they are aware that ACTUALLY NOT EVERYONE DOES KNOW THAT LILY POLLEN IS REALLY BLOODY ANNOYING.
16) They always go to bed on an argument because they know that sleep is a valuable commodity.
17) They never go to bed on an argument because they know you will both sleep better if you just admit that YOU put the empty Calpol back in the cupboard.
18) They always bring you wine and chocolate home when you have had a bad day.
19) They never text you ‘BRING WINE AND CHOCOLATE’ because they know that the LAST thing you want to do after a day in the office to is stop at the bloody supermarket.
20) They always put their shoes in the shoe rack and not in the middle of the hallway where PEOPLE WILL TRIP OVER THEM AND POSSIBLY DIE.
21) If you ever forget to put your shoes in the rack because you are tired after a busy day at work, they do not leave them there for three days and secretly hope one of the kids will trip over them so you will FEEL GUILTY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
22) When it is your turn to have a lie in they never tell the kids to come and jump on you because they are EVIL.
23) When it is their turn to have a lie in they never waste it by getting up anyway SO YOU COULD HAVE HAD THE LIE IN AFTER ALL.
24) When they suggest an ‘early night’ they don’t mean sex they mean sleep because they know how tired you are.
25) When they suggest an ‘early night’ they never get into bed and then announce that they are too tired for an ‘early night’.
26) They never dick about on their phone while you are chatting to them about really interesting stuff.
27) They never chat to you about nappies…or whatever when you are clearly trying to read something interesting on your phone.
28) They never leave their dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor because they understand that THEY GO IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET.
29) When you leave clothes on the bedroom floor they understand it is because there is NEVER ANY ROOM in the dirty laundry basket.
30) They know not to talk to you in the morning until you have had a large mug of coffee.
31) They never ignore you in the morning until they have had a large mug of coffee.
32) They make you laugh more than anyone else in the world.
33) You laugh at them more than anyone else in the world.
34) They never write lists about you on the Internet.
35) They understand that when you do write lists about them on the Internet it’s only because you are so madly in love with them…♥
PS: I got through to the next stage of the Mumsnet Blog Awards in category for Best Writer and Best Comic Writer- which is very exciting as there is a possibly of FREE wine if I get through to the final. I have NOT won three of these award thingys already so I would love to show off my awesome professional LOSER face one more time. Therefore, if you would be so very kind to vote for SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK here and here. That would be lovely. THANK YOU. x