How to put a baby in a cot (without losing your shit)

drowsybutawakeDoes your baby wake up the moment you even think about transferring her to a cot?  Or does she totally lose her shit if you put her down drowsy but awake?

Then this is the method for you.

Following new research that 99% of babies believe that self-soothing is bollocks, The Institute of Real Life People with Actual Babies has launched a comprehensive guide to putting a sleeping infant into a cot.

Get your baby Transfer Ready in just 28 easy steps.

1)Make sure baby is asleep not drowsy

2) Wait ten minutes

3) Wait another ten minutes

4) Check baby’s limbs are limp

5) Wait ten minutes

6) Double check limp limbs

7) THINK about putting baby in the cot

8) Realise you have missed ‘deep’ stage of sleep cycle

9) Spend ten minutes trying to work out sleep cycle timings

10) Slowly move towards the cot

11) Stand next to cot

12) Hold your breath ten minutes

13) Lower baby slowly into cot

14) Put baby down in cot ensuring your arm is under her. YOU MUST BE AT ONE WITH THE COT.

15) Wait ten minutes (or until you can no longer feel your arm

16) Slowly remove arm and place hand on top of baby

17) Spend ten minutes praying for baby to stay asleep

18) Remove hand from baby (replace with cuddly toy – optional)


19) Wait ten minutes

20) Take one small step away from cot

21) Wait ten minutes

22) Silently creep towards door. Make no sound. 

23) Wait ten minutes by the door

24) Open door 

25) Leave room and stand outside door for ten minutes

26) Peep at baby from doorway

27) Wait ten minutes

28) Slowly back away from the room. DON’T LOOK BACK. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT LOOKING BACK.

Congratulations! Your baby is now down for the night… well, possibly for long enough for you to pour a glass of wine. GO NOW, QUICKLY.

Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 12.01.14I have opened a NEW shop with lots of unique gifts for Sleep Thieves and their parents

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