How to get a toddler to go the f**k to sleep

Go the f**k to sleepDoes your toddler love bedtime?  Mine does.  As long as I am not trying to actually get her to sleep.

Here are her top five Sleep Avoidance tactics:

-She will always want the one cuddly toy that I can’t find.

-She takes take twice as long to go to sleep whenever I have plans (normally to drink wine in my pjyamas).

-She will try anything to stop me leaving the room. The moment I go to shut the door she will be struck with a desperate thirst, tummy ache, hunger or need for a poo.

-Cuteness is her best Defence Against Bedtime. Just as I am about to totally lose my shit she will tell me; ‘Mummy, you are my best friend.”  or “I love you so much – will you lie down with me?’

-She has also been know to unleash a good old-fashioned terrible twos scream-fest to avoid nodding off.

So I often resort to the Lie Down And Pretend To Be Asleep Until She Gets Tired method, also know as Co No -Sleeping. It is not for the fainthearted but it means you get to lie down…perfect for the sleep-deprived.

It is expertly demonstrated in this short film!

This is our typical bedtime ‘routine’. (I am well aware Gina Ford would have contented kittens if she ever witnessed this ‘technique’). *

Featuring me, the toddler and my new love The Eve mattress. You can read my review here.

*No parents were harmed in the making of this video.

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2 thoughts on “How to get a toddler to go the f**k to sleep

  1. Our own little Baby 1.0 is now fully embracing the stall. Daddy has to bring the milk, mommy has to bring in the cat for a kiss, daddy has to read a book, mommy needs to put her blanket on. It takes an hour. And if you don’t play by her rules? Well we don’t know because we are too scared to find out…

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