How To Survive (And Not Get Killed By Your Partner) When You Have Babies…by James the Husband



You think you know about babies, then you have a baby, and realise you know nothing about babies…This can be very stressful for new parents as you are usually both learning on the fly on very little sleep.  So here are just a few of the things I have learnt that people do NOT tell you about babies.

1. Children are weak and helpless…until they get hold of your hair and then they become the incredible hulk.

2. Children are great actors.  They often pretend they are going to give you a kiss and then they bite.

3. Child bites are in the top five most painful experiences known to man.

4. Children have a sick sense of humour. The more it hurts, the funnier it is.

5. Children are slippery little buggers when you are trying to put clothes on them.

6. Threats do not work on toddlers.

7. It is astonishing how much you can fit in to time you thought you didn’t have.

8. Food can be worn (by them or you).

9. The straps on a high chair are not to stop your child falling out.  They are to stop him/her jumping out.

10. The more tired a child is, the less likely it is they will go to sleep.

11. Hangover + children = nightmare.  Having said that, it is hilarious to see your hungover wife pinned down by a sadistic six-month-old baby.

12. Children are never, ever boring!!!


Since becoming a father, I have been bitten, pinched, poked, pulled and climbed on but when I’m at work I look forward to getting home so they can do it all again. The grins on their faces when I arrive home, is worth any pain they might cause me! When I watch them sleeping, it seems impossible that they could ever be anything but heart-meltingly beautiful.


 The three of us are blessed.  We are blessed because of Emily-Jane. The love and attention she shows the three of us (on barely any sleep) is beyond what you might expect of a normal person.  As a mother she is kind, patient, warm and never lets the girls know how much they might be getting right on her tits.  As a wife, I could not ask for someone more beautiful and supportive.  If I had the choice of any woman on earth I would choose her without even needing to think about it.

You could say I am the stereotypical doting dad
and I wouldn’t argue.  I love my girls with all my heart and they have definitely made me a better person – that is something else I have learned from having babies.  They’re bloody hard work but they’re so worth it!

8 thoughts on “How To Survive (And Not Get Killed By Your Partner) When You Have Babies…by James the Husband

  1. I love your perspective James. It shows you accept the bad bits and love the good bits like most parents. I can vouch for the love you both have for your two beautiful little girls and you have both posted some cracking photos lately. Isla is becoming
    a proper outdoor girl-as well as a beautiful fairy princess. Love it, love it.

  2. Awwww loved the soppy shit at the end! James untill you have had your nipple nealy bitten off you don’t know pain;) Keep it coming guys making me laugh outloud! 🙂

Feel free to leave a reply..misery loves company.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.